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    Warm and sunny again

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    sinister_midget
    Admin

    Posts : 2026
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 64
    Location : Home

    Warm and sunny again

    Post  sinister_midget on Sat Feb 11, 2017 11:11 am

    My wife ran off with my neighbor a week ago.

    Dang it! I lost the best fishing partner I had!


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    The government finally started opening up the UFO files. Here is the first release:



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    A liberal goes into a packed bar and spots a guy wearing a hat saying "Make America Great Again" sitting at the bar.

    The liberal tells the bartender, "Give everybody a round except that guy with the hat."

    The bartender serves the drinks. The guy wearing the hat looks at the liberal and smiles.

    Undeterred, the liberal says, "Give everybody another round except the guy with the hat,"

    The bartender serves up the drinks, and again the guy with the hat smiles.

    The liberal looks at the bartender and says, "I knew Trump backers were dumb because Hillary said so. I didn't know they were that stupid, though. What's wrong with that guy?"

    The bartender says, "Nothing, sir. He's the owner."

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    I saw two dwarf prostitutes standing on the corner of my street earlier.

    I didn't want to be rude, so acknowledged them with 'Hi ho, hi ho'

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    At least some good will come now that there's a stay on the travel restriction executive order.



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    My wife died from a paper cut to her neck last night. I did everything I could to save her, but despite the tourniquet I used to stop the bleeding, she still died within minutes.

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    After 8 years of sucking up to Barack Obama, and after several more years of campaigning for Hillary, we're finally getting back to making fun of political figures on Saturday Night Live!

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    Now Terminator makes sense!



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    Get your house inspected regularly!



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    A new report finds that if women have belly fat and a muffin top it can be fatal.

    Especially if you point it out to them.

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    An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, an American, an Egyptian, a Jap, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Greek, a Russian, an Estonian, a German, an Italian, a Pole, a Swede, a Finn, and a Swiss man walk into a pub.

    The bouncer says, "Sorry, l can't let you in without a Thai."

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    A rare image of the 9th Circuit Court studying the federal law on immigration before rendering a decision.



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    I was driving around a town close by at 2AM the other morning. A car followed me for awhile, then finally the red lights went on.

    A cop came up to the car and asked me, "Where are you going at this time of morning?"

    I replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as the dangers of tobacco and not getting enough sleep."

    The cop said, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"

    I said, "That would be my wife."

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    An ethnic joke.

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    Sunshine16

    Posts : 159
    Join date : 2016-08-28
    Location : Virginia

    Happy Birthday Lincoln....penny for your thoughts....

    Post  Sunshine16 on Sun Feb 12, 2017 10:16 am

    1809 Abraham Lincoln d. 1865 16th U.S. President (1861-65), assassinated by John Wilkes Booth, making Vice-Pres. Andrew Johnson president. Lincoln was the first actual person to have their portrait on a U.S. coin (1909 penny).


    AND.....

    Today is National Lost Penny Day!

    Today you can make a few pennies, by seeking out lost pennies, of which there are probably quite a few in the nooks and crannies of your home. An individual penny may not have a lot of monetary value these days. However, finding a penny is a sign of good luck. Go on a hunt for lost pennies today, and pile up some good fortune.

    The first U.S. penny was designed by Benjamin Franklin, and minted in 1787. Since then, billions of pennies have been minted and put into circulation. In 1909, the penny became the first coin to bear a president's image. It was first released on February 12, 1909, to commemorate Abraham Lincoln's 100th birthday.
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    Joencalif2

    Posts : 483
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 67
    Location : Riverside Ca

    Re: Warm and sunny again

    Post  Joencalif2 on Sun Feb 12, 2017 8:57 pm

    Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy
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    JJRobinson

    Posts : 536
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 70
    Location : Texas

    Re: Warm and sunny again

    Post  JJRobinson on Mon Feb 13, 2017 6:57 am

    Thanks Sunshine... Very Happy

      Current date/time is Sat Oct 21, 2017 7:51 pm