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    And now, the moment you've all been waiting for!

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    sinister_midget
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    Posts : 2336
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 64
    Location : Home

    And now, the moment you've all been waiting for!

    Post  sinister_midget on Sun Jan 08, 2017 10:33 am

    Proof that Jesus hasn't arrived yet:



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    I was watching a documentary about Alzheimer's last night, and my wife turned to me and said, "What a horrible condition, if I ever get Alzheimer's, I think I'll just shoot myself".

    "I know" I replied. "You said that 5 minutes ago".

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    If I had a penny for every time a woman said I look horrible women would probably start finding me attractive by now.

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    I can kind of understand why Muslims get so frustrated. I mean, how many more people are they going to have to murder before everyone understands that Islam is the religion of peace?

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    During an argument my wife said my jokes are inappropriately timed and that I have absolutely no respect for the dead!

    I told her that I do have respect for the dead, which is why I always put their clothes back on afterwards.

    I thought that joke was beautifully timed!

    Women!

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    I work at the airport and have performed a few strip searches and they're so embarrassing!

    Well, they were, until my boss told me its not my clothes that are meant to come off.

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    Why do all of the pictures and paintings of Adam and Eve have belly buttons?

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    I just realized something I have in common with Mariah Carey. I don't know the words to any of her songs either!

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    I'd like to thank Michelle Obama for her school lunch program. She made my kid Republican.

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    It's good to know the future of our country is in good hands.



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    A priest, a minister and a rabbi decide to compete to see who's best at his job. They agree to each go into the woods, find a bear and attempt to convert it.

    So they go on their way and later meet up again.

    The priest begins, "When I found the bear, I read to him from the catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week will be his first communion."

    "I found a bear by a stream," began the minister. "I preached the holy Word of God to him. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him."

    They both looked at the rabbi who was lying on a gurney in a body cast. "Looking back," he said, "maybe I shouldn't have started with the circumcision."

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    January 20, 2017 12:01 PM



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    Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.

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    Ha! I just finished a puzzle in 8 months and the box said 2-3 years!
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    Psycho144

    Posts : 655
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 77

    Re: And now, the moment you've all been waiting for!

    Post  Psycho144 on Mon Jan 09, 2017 11:36 am

    Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy
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    Joencalif2

    Posts : 522
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 67
    Location : Riverside Ca

    Re: And now, the moment you've all been waiting for!

    Post  Joencalif2 on Mon Jan 09, 2017 4:44 pm

    Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing

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    Re: And now, the moment you've all been waiting for!

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