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    A birthday post (my son's, not mine)

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    sinister_midget
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    Posts : 1627
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 64
    Location : Home

    A birthday post (my son's, not mine)

    Post  sinister_midget on Thu Jan 05, 2017 1:00 pm

    This Mexican told me to stop messing around with his beach or he was going to kill me. What a dummy! We're not even NEAR the ocean!

    You'd think he'd be more concerned with me messing with his girlfriend.

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    One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor....

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    Obama's high approval ratings are brought to us by the same people who gave Clinton a 99% chance of winning.

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    You may have seen this tweet or picture:






    That's what happens when you lose your only avenue to sell influence, and all of your "friends" have had heart attacks, died in plane crashes, committed suicide, had mysterious accidents and turned up missing.


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    Call me crazy, but "dropping the ball" does not sound like a good way to start off a new year.

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    I brought a dozen donuts to work the first day after the New Year. Just for my coworkers on a diet.

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    I stopped making New Year resolutions. I just carry the ones over from the previous year and add "This time I mean it".

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    I forgot to go to the gym yesterday, that's 5 yrs in a row.

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    I'm convinced that we are one condescending celebrity video away from seeing Trump defeated!

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    Hillary, too bad you lost the election. But here's your participation trophy:



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    One day I was getting dressed and I didn't realize the curtains were open. My wife walked in, saw them agape, and told me, "Get away from there or people will think I married you for your money."



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    Even the left can enjoy Family Feud...



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    I sat and waited for my blind date when this woman came and sat at my table. "Hello, you must be Al. I recognized you from your picture."

    "Oh, yes. You must be Kate's mom. Pleased to meet you. Is she sick or something?"

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    Q: What's wrong with lawyer jokes?

    A: Lawyers don't think they're funny, and most people don't think they're jokes.

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    I've been trying to make friends just like I do on Facebook.

    Every day I walk down the street and tell passers-by what I have eaten, how I feel at the moment, what I did the night before, what I'm going to do later and with whom.

    I give them pictures of my family, my dog and some of me gardening. Also some of me taking things apart in the garage, watering the lawn, standing in front of landmarks, driving around town, having lunch and doing what anybody and everybody does every day.

    I listen to their conversations, I give them a "thumbs up" and tell them I like them.

    And you know what? It works! Just like Facebook! I already have four people following me: two police officers, a private investigator and a psychiatrist.
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    Joencalif2

    Posts : 429
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 67
    Location : Riverside Ca

    Re: A birthday post (my son's, not mine)

    Post  Joencalif2 on Thu Jan 05, 2017 3:29 pm

    Very Happy Very Happy
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    Psycho144

    Posts : 526
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 77

    Re: A birthday post (my son's, not mine)

    Post  Psycho144 on Fri Jan 06, 2017 9:22 am

    *snicker*

      Current date/time is Wed Aug 16, 2017 10:49 pm