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    Why me?


    Posts : 3014
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 65
    Location : Home

    Why me?

    Post  sinister_midget on Wed Dec 14, 2016 11:33 am

    I cut in front of a line of liberals at Starbucks the other day. Everybody behind me started squawking and complaining.

    I said, "Hey, calm down! I'm just exercising the white male privilege you guys keep telling me I have."


    During a visit to the mental ward at a local hospital, I asked the Director how they determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

    "Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

    "Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

    "No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window or near the door?"


    Just remember when you see the Salvation Army kettle, it's a perfect time to give away all those Canadian coins you collected all year long.


    A guy was speeding and suddenly saw a cop's lights in the rear view mirror. He knew it would be jail time if he was stopped because he was drunk and driving about 30mph over the limit. So he punched it and tried to get away.

    They called out several more cars and finally stopped him with stop sticks.

    When the cop pulled him from the car he asked him why the guy ran. "A year ago," he slurred, "my wife ran off with a highway patrolman. I thought you were him trying to bring her back."


    I get Dasher, Dancer and Prancer. But how did Vixen get her name? What's Santa hiding?


    I just realized something. I'm going to be the last person to die in my lifetime! Coincidence or conspiracy?


    I was invited to a party by a friend. He said there were going to be some important people there, so dress to kill.

    Not sure what went wrong. I grew a beard, wore a turban and carried a backpack.


    I got stopped by a cop with a radar gun the other day.

    "Bit of a speed merchant aren't we, sir?" he asked.

    "A bit, now and then," I replied, "but I only sell to friends."

    So in addition to three points I'm looking at three years.


    Re: Why me?

    Post  Guest on Wed Dec 14, 2016 12:23 pm


      Current date/time is Wed Jul 18, 2018 11:33 am