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    What can I say?

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    sinister_midget
    Admin

    Posts : 1656
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 64
    Location : Home

    What can I say?

    Post  sinister_midget on Wed Dec 14, 2016 9:00 am

    Q: How do you get an art major off your front porch?

    A: Pay for the pizza.

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    I have tried every trick in the book to make my wife call out my name in bed, but nothing has worked.

    My last hope now is to change my name to "Already?"

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    Newton's third law of Emotion: For every male action, there is a female overreaction.

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    Lately I've been having the occasional ED problem. My wife suggested I go to the doctor for Viagra or Cialis.

    So I went. He did a few tests and said I was fine. But he prescribed having her go to Planet Fitness for a treadmill.

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    My attractive neighbor is completely paranoid. She thinks I'm following or even stalking her. She's worried that I may be obsessed with her, and any time she hears a noise in her house she is....purified?

    Oh, wait: petrified. Sorry, it's not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree

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    I wish we could finally stop worrying about taking the Christ out of Christmas and focus on taking that first R out of February.

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    I was stopped by a policeman the other day.
    He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
    "I was trying to keep up with traffic," I replied
    He said, "There is no traffic."
    I answered, "See how far behind I am?"

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    The lady walking ahead of me sped up so I did too.
    She began running so I ran too.
    She screamed so I screamed as well.
    I never even saw what we were running from.

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    Scientists say that breast size is not a factor in whether men want to sleep with a woman or not. Scientists don't get out of the lab much

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    Just got a restraining order from a judge. I'm not allowed to be within 300 yards of a beautiful woman I've been stalking.

    Works for me. To comply I have to know where she is at all times.

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    My father was a mad scientist. I kept telling him, "Dad, getting angry won't cure cancer."
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    Joencalif2

    Posts : 434
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 67
    Location : Riverside Ca

    Re: What can I say?

    Post  Joencalif2 on Wed Dec 14, 2016 12:23 pm

    Good ones...lol

      Current date/time is Tue Aug 22, 2017 5:40 pm