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    I heard it through the grapevine


    Posts : 3014
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 65
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    I heard it through the grapevine

    Post  sinister_midget on Sat Dec 10, 2016 11:46 pm

    I've got a joke for you. Ready? Here goes.

    Hillary Clinton still thinks she can be president of the United States!


    A friend accidentally swallowed a five dollar bill and had to go to the hospital.

    Two days later and still no change.


    Two wrongs don't make a right. Take Hillary Clinton's parents for example.


    I learned how to swallow bitter pills when I realized that if I didn't, life would just administer them rectally


    I'd like to compliment all the ladies who don't need to dress half naked to get a man's attention. Stay classy!

    The rest of you, come with me.


    I don't trust atoms. They make up everything!


    Q: How many vegans does it take to eat a cheeseburger?

    A: One if nobody's looking.


    I got a speeding ticket tonight for doing 60 in a 45 zone. I told the officer the Russians hacked my speedometer, but he wrote a ticket anyway.

    I'm still waiting for my call to be returned by the CIA.


    A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.

    Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand, selling ties.

    The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?"

    The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5."

    The Taliban shouted, "Idiot! I do not need an over-priced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!"

    "OK," said the old Jewish man, "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need. Shalom."

    Cursing, the Taliban staggered away over the hill.

    Several hours later he staggered back, almost dead and said, "Your brother won't let me in without a tie!"


    Republicans won the White House, the Senate, the House, the future Supreme Court justices, several governorships and state legislatures.

    I don't see why liberals are so bitter, they won everything else.

    (I had an Amy Schumer joke. But I thought maybe I shouldn't tell it.)


    Re: I heard it through the grapevine

    Post  Guest on Sun Dec 11, 2016 5:01 pm


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