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    All about life

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    sinister_midget
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    Posts : 1977
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    All about life

    Post  sinister_midget on Mon Dec 05, 2016 11:10 pm

    Donald Trump invited the Pope for lunch on his mega yacht. The Pope accepted and during lunch, a puff of wind blew the Pontiff's hat off, right into the water.

    It floated off about 50 feet, then the wind died down and it just stayed in place.

    The crew and the secret service were scrambling to launch a boat to go get it, when Trump waved them off, saying "Never mind, boys, I'll get it."

    The Donald climbed over the side of the yacht, walked on the water to the hat, picked it up, walked back on the water, climbed onto the yacht, and handed the Pope his hat.

    The crew was speechless. The security team and the Pope's entourage were speechless. Not even the Pope knew what to say.

    But that afternoon, NBC, CBS, ABC, MSNBC and CNN all had their story lines ready. Their banner headlines read,

    "TRUMP CAN'T SWIM!"

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    What is the big deal with Dr. Ben Carson separating conjoined at the head twins? I mean, Bill Clinton performed a flawless excision of a 160lb parasite named Hillary from his bedroom.

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    I went to a restaurant with my wife. While we were there a waitress suddenly yelled out, "Does anybody know CPR?"

    I said, "Sure. In fact I know the whole alphabet."

    Everybody laughed. Except this one guy.

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    A man was walking near a construction site. Suddenly he heard a female voice yell, "STOP!"

    Startled, he stopped abruptly. And just as he did a brick landed on his path, right in front of him, right where he would have been stepping if he hadn't been warned to stop. He looked around, but didn't see a woman anywhere. So he went on his way, puzzled.


    A few days later he was driving down the street with his music blasting. Suddenly he heard the same female voice. "STOP!" she exclaimed. He slammed on his brakes just a a semi careened in front of him. It barely missed him, but it would have killed him for sure had he not stopped.

    He looked around for the woman, but he knew he wouldn't see her. His music was so loud that there was no way he could have heard a voice from a human outside of his car. So he took it to be a sign from Heaven.

    He went straight from the near-miss to a church to seek guidance and try to understand what this was about. "Who are you?" he asked. The voice came to him. "I am your guardian angel sent to protect you. I was always able to guide you from peril throughout your life without speaking directly. But lately I had to make my presence known to keep you safe. I'm betting you have some questions you'd like to have answered."

    "You bet I do," the man said. "If it's been your job to keep me from peril all of my life, where the hell were you on my wedding day?"

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    My son said they banned Santa Claus from school because they didn't want to offend non-Christian students.

    That's too bad. Santa's his favorite part of the Bible.

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    I hate it when people don't know the difference between "your" and "you're." There so stupid.

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    Q: How is Santa Claus like a BMW driver who stays below the speed limit and signals for every turn?
    A: Neither is real.
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    Sunshine16

    Posts : 159
    Join date : 2016-08-28
    Location : Virginia

    Re: All about life

    Post  Sunshine16 on Tue Dec 06, 2016 5:06 am

    I hate it when people don't know the difference between "your" and "you're." There so stupid.




    LLO  ;-)Their is no there they're.
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    Psycho144

    Posts : 594
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 77

    Re: All about life

    Post  Psycho144 on Tue Dec 06, 2016 8:55 am

    "What" there's a difference ?????
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    Joencalif2

    Posts : 479
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 67
    Location : Riverside Ca

    Re: All about life

    Post  Joencalif2 on Tue Dec 06, 2016 10:52 am

    LOL......
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    sinister_midget
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    Posts : 1977
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 64
    Location : Home

    Re: All about life

    Post  sinister_midget on Sat Dec 10, 2016 11:26 pm

    Sunshine16 wrote:I hate it when people don't know the difference between "your" and "you're." There so stupid.




    LLO  ;-)Their is no there they're.

    You'd think people would spend more time learning are language!

      Current date/time is Tue Oct 17, 2017 4:30 am