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    Monday sucks even when they call it Tuesday

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    sinister_midget
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    Monday sucks even when they call it Tuesday

    Post  sinister_midget on Tue May 29, 2018 12:28 pm

    So why is it perfectly acceptable for your wife or girlfriend to wear one of your shirts around the house all day, but if she finds you trying on one of her dresses then "we need to talk"?

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    I'm not saying people in Walmart have bad teeth.

    But there was a lady at the self-checkout next to me. Her kid said something to her and she smiled. The scanner picked it up as a set of saucepans.

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    People have told me since I was a kid, "Nothing is impossible."

    But I've been doing nothing every day.

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    More than once!



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    Excuse me. I'm off to be a real American by buying Mexican food from the Chinese people.

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    Keep your marriage fresh by writing little love notes to each other.

    Like, "I considered smothering you with a pillow last night but didn't."

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    INTERVIEWER: What do you make at your current job?

    ME: Mistakes and inappropriate comments.

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    I saw the World Health Organization is warning that the Ebola epidemic could lead to several failed African states.

    I'm pretty sure Ebola is already too late to get credit for that one.

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    Keep moving...



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    The Mafia decided they needed to get into the Google appstore complex to keep up with what's going on with Android.

    Their first new app is call PayUpPal.

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    I saw a survey that said 99% of women don't like men who wear leather pants.

    Which is really good since 100% of men who wear leather pants don't like women.

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    I figured out how to tell a Jewish household at Christmas.

    Look for the parking meter on the roof.

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    Every time I think Camera Hogg is finally gone.....



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    I only had one beer today. But that was in dog years.

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    Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.

    Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronizing her, claim she knew how to do it anyway and that even if she didn't, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.

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    Almost 400 people in Saudi Arabia have now died from the MERS virus, which is thought to have originated in camels.

    A worldwide epidemic is unlikely, as scientists believe the disease to be sexually transmitted.

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    Common sense is like deodorant.

    The people who need it most never use it.

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    If there's one thing I absolutely can't stand when I'm drunk it's up!

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    A public service announcement to all of my liberal associates.



    Please protect yourselves by taking appropriate action to avoid this dangerous substance! One plastic bag over your head should last the rest of your life.

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    My wife came into the living room with an armload of clothing.

    "What's that?" I asked.

    "Just some old clothes I'm going to get rid of. It's all either too big or too small."

    My money's on small.

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    Why don't men have midlife crises?

    They stay stuck in adolescence.

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    Not quite how I remembered it.



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    I went to get a haircut today.

    The barber said, "Do you know you're going bald?"

    "You'd better hurry up, then," I replied.

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    Sometimes you don't learn about ill effects until much too late.



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    Ladyelaine

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    Re: Monday sucks even when they call it Tuesday

    Post  Ladyelaine on Tue May 29, 2018 1:51 pm

    and ABC cancelled Roseanne.  Evil or Very Mad
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    sinister_midget
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    Re: Monday sucks even when they call it Tuesday

    Post  sinister_midget on Tue May 29, 2018 2:41 pm

    They were looking for any reason anyway. They told her to tone down some of the political stuff. She told them what they could do to themselves.

    An ill-advised tweet was a convenient excuse. If they couldn't find a reason soon enough they would have "interrupted" the show for important things. Like taped high school curling practices. Or hours-long segments breaking down the meanings behind local commercials.


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    Ladyelaine

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    Re: Monday sucks even when they call it Tuesday

    Post  Ladyelaine on Tue May 29, 2018 2:58 pm

    I seriously doubt that any late night comedian saying the same thing would have been cancelled.
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    sinister_midget
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    Re: Monday sucks even when they call it Tuesday

    Post  sinister_midget on Tue May 29, 2018 4:51 pm

    They've said worse. They'll probably say worse about this very thing. But that's OK because it's "humor" that nobody other than the rabid haters that listen to those non-funny fruitcakes finds funny.


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    JJRobinson

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    Re: Monday sucks even when they call it Tuesday

    Post  JJRobinson on Wed May 30, 2018 5:10 am

    Very Happy
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    Psycho144

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    Re: Monday sucks even when they call it Tuesday

    Post  Psycho144 on Wed May 30, 2018 8:34 am

    Shocked Shocked Very Happy Very Happy
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    sinister_midget
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    Re: Monday sucks even when they call it Tuesday

    Post  sinister_midget on Fri Jun 01, 2018 9:38 am



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    Ladyelaine

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    Re: Monday sucks even when they call it Tuesday

    Post  Ladyelaine on Fri Jun 01, 2018 9:49 am

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