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    I'm pretty sober. But I'm prettier drunk.

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    sinister_midget
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    Posts : 2888
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 65
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    I'm pretty sober. But I'm prettier drunk.

    Post  sinister_midget on Mon May 14, 2018 12:26 am

    Q: How many honest, intelligent caring men does it take to do the dishes?

    A: Both of them.

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    Shoulda wrote a song about it.



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    A weasel walks into a bar.

    The bartender says, "Wow! In all the years I've been here I've never served a weasel before! What can I get you?"

    "Pop," goes the weasel.

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    Where San Franciscans go when they take vacations.



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    My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

    I asked her,"Do you know him?"

    "Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."

    "My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

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    Bet you doubled the dose next time!



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    My wife says she's leaving me because she's never seen me sober.

    What a way to find out you're married!

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    The cat isn't the only thing that should hold off on the curiosity.



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    Hope you ladies had a Happy Legal Caretaker of the Unspecified Gender Day!

    Or if you prefer, a Happy Female Suppressed by the Patriarchy into Giving up Her Independence and Dreams Day!

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    I wonder how long he's expelled from school.



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    Is a rival between 2 vegetarians still called a beef?

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    Not sure if this was before or after the first witness against them that "committed suicide" with a shotgun to the back of the head.



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    Q: If someone from the 1950s suddenly appeared today, what would be the most difficult thing to explain to them?

    A: I have this device in my pocket that is capable of accessing the entirety of information known to man. I use it to look at pictures of cats and get into arguments with strangers.

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    I just got back from a trip to Thailand. I came so very close to getting tricked into sex with a ladyboy!

    Looked like a lady. Walked like a lady. Talked like a lady. Even kissed like a lady.

    It was only when she drove me to her place and easily reversed the car into the garage that I thought, "Hey, wait a second.....!"

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    Yay for progress!



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    A Muslim got into an Uber. As he was riding along the driver kept listening to Rap music.

    The Muslim asked the driver to turn off the radio because his religion decreed that he must not listen to music since in the time of the prophet there was no music, especially the Western music of the infidel.

    The driver politely switched off the radio, stopped the car and opened the door.

    The Muslim asked, "What are you doing?"

    The driver answered, "In the time of the prophet there were no taxis either. So get out and wait for a camel."

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    If you like your legacy, you can keep your legacy.



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    I read today that Arkansas is considering refusing to issue licenses for gay marriage.

    The AG was quoted as saying the state wants a strict policy to adhere to traditional marriage between a man and his sister.

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    Now that you put it that way.....



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    Rapunzel is my favorite fairy tale.

    It's about a woman who finds happiness when a man pulls her hair.

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    Don't pretend to be surprised.



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    Silence is golden.

    Unless you have kids. Then silence is suspicious.


    _________________
    The American Dream is to be Donald Trump.
    -- Barack Hussein Obama
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    Psycho144

    Posts : 760
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 78

    Re: I'm pretty sober. But I'm prettier drunk.

    Post  Psycho144 on Mon May 14, 2018 3:07 pm

    Very Happy Very Happy bounce

      Current date/time is Tue Jun 19, 2018 1:39 am