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    Monday again??

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    sinister_midget
    Admin

    Posts : 2888
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 65
    Location : Home

    Monday again??

    Post  sinister_midget on Mon May 07, 2018 12:33 am

    Probably because you're such a great salesman.



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    How many Bernie Sanders supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Zero. They're all sitting around waiting for somebody else to do it.

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    Pure devastation!



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    Bill Cosby was convicted on all charges.

    I guess you could say the proof was in the pudding.

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    I like when the weather gets warm. It gives me the chance to go to the farmer's market and carefully pick out fruits and vegetables that I can throw out next Saturday.

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    Breaking news concerning the death of Princess Diana!



    I believe some witnesses have come forward attesting to it.

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    Going into my son's room is like going to Ikea.

    I went in empty handed and came out with 6 cups, 4 plates, 3 bowls, 2 table napkins and enough silverware to serve 4 people.

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    Have you ever heard somebody say something really stupid and thought "Your momma's eggs had to be expired?"

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    Awwwwww!

    And a son like Trayvon!



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    I wish more of my handcuff stories involved sex instead of cops.

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    It's about time somebody worked to teach Tide Pod eaters how to cook!



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    Love makes the world go 'round.

    Vodka makes it spin.

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    The Hogg says it, too.



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    I don't mean to get technical. But according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution.

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    I can hardly wait for Shawshank Redmeption 2!



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    You matter!

    Unless you multiply yourself by the speed of light....twice....

    ....then you energy.

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    Stormy Daniels had sex with 1000 guys in 100 movies so teen boys could watch.

    Now she's suing Trump for defaming her character.

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    I'd be mad if they got dirt on me, too!



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    My wife's nagging started right on cue....

    "Stand up straight! Don't slouch! Look at me when I'm talking to you!"

    I had to stop it. Lord knows why I keep watching my wedding video.

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    Probably already in the works.



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    Oh! Right on cue.



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    What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?

    Homeless.

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    I was addicted to the hokey pokey. But I turned myself around.

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    I know the voices aren't real. But golly, do they ever come up with some good ideas!

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    Gotta start somewhere. Some day. Some time.



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    A lot of pets will ignore you. But only a cat will follow you from room to room, making sure they're in your line of vision, being certain you know they're ignoring you.

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    All of this cultural appropriation!



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    Speaking of cultural appropriation...

    I don't want to practice socialism because that would be culturally appropriating Venezuela.

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    How can you tell a sumo wrestler from a feminist?

    A sumo wrestler shaves his legs.

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    An "F" to be proud of!



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    As I get older, I realize:

    1. I talk to myself because I sometimes need expert advice
    2. Sometimes I roll my eyes out loud
    3. I don't need anger management, I need people to stop irritating me
    4. My people skills are fine, but my tolerance of idiots could use some work
    5. The biggest lie I tell myself is that I don't need to write things down because I'll remember them
    6. As as child I thought nap-time was punishment, but now I realize it's like a mini-vacation
    7. The day the world runs out of wine is too terrible to contemplate
    8. Even duct tape can't fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound
    9. Wish I could put myself in the dryer for 10 minutes and come out wrinkle-free
    10. "Getting lucky" is walking into a room and remembering why I'm there

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    You simply couldn't say "NO" could you??



    _________________
    The American Dream is to be Donald Trump.
    -- Barack Hussein Obama
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    Ladyelaine

    Posts : 522
    Join date : 2016-08-27
    Location : Suwannee Springs, Florida

    Re: Monday again??

    Post  Ladyelaine on Mon May 07, 2018 8:25 am

    The advantage of talking to oneself is there is seldom an argument.
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    JJRobinson

    Posts : 662
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 71
    Location : Texas

    Re: Monday again??

    Post  JJRobinson on Tue May 08, 2018 5:49 am

    Laughing
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    Psycho144

    Posts : 760
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 78

    Re: Monday again??

    Post  Psycho144 on Tue May 08, 2018 9:00 am

    I like #9  Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy
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    Sunshine16

    Posts : 241
    Join date : 2016-08-28
    Location : Virginia

    Re: Monday again??

    Post  Sunshine16 on Thu May 10, 2018 3:55 pm

    Yes...#9 would be great!

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    Re: Monday again??

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