New Board

For refugees from MyWay and Tek Board II, and for anyone else wishing to participate.


    Just in time for Hump Day!

    Share
    avatar
    sinister_midget
    Admin

    Posts : 2888
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 65
    Location : Home

    Just in time for Hump Day!

    Post  sinister_midget on Wed Apr 18, 2018 12:29 am

    I used a performance enhancer in bed with my wife last night. Most people know it as a blindfold.

    ----------

    Tide Pods are merely the gateway.....



    ----------

    When I'm on my death bed, I want my last words to be "I left one million dollars in the....."

    ----------

    I never get jealous when I see my ex with another guy.

    My parents taught me to always give my used toys to someone less fortunate.

    ----------

    Found out today you're supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting. Not a jelly stain.

    Sorry lady at the Waffle House. Just trying to help.

    ----------

    It was the most exhausting thing he'd ever done I'm told.



    ----------

    I saw on the news today that the police arrested a man in Washington for carrying a calculator, a compass and a protractor.

    He's been charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.

    ----------

    I took my wife to Subway today. I told the girl behind the counter to make me a sandwich. She said, "No problem."

    I turned to my wife. "Now, how hard was that?"

    ----------

    I had one of these once. Never again.



    ----------

    Why is English so much fun?

    "All of the faith he had had had had no effect on the outcome of his life."

    Because that sentence makes perfect sense.

    ----------

    I was in Japan a few days ago. I was in the train station waiting and one of the Japanese guys standing there with me complained that Japan is becoming too Americanized.

    I said, "What are you talking about? I haven't heard a single person speaking Spanish."

    ----------

    Thought Tide Pods were bad? Licking toilets and urinals to protest Trump?

    Child's play!



    ----------

    Last week I got in an accident leaving work. At the hospital I couldn't talk, so I texted my wife to tell her the news.

    ME: Honey, I got hit by a car outside the office. Tina brought me to the hospital. They've been running tests and taking xrays. The blow to my head, though very strong, won't have any serious lasting injury. But I do have 3 broken ribs a compound fracture in the left leg and they might have to amputate my right foot.

    WIFE: Who's Tina?

    ----------

    When you're totally dedicated.



    ----------

    What do you call a bird with bronchitis?

    A phlegmingo.

    ----------



    If you're taking advice from a walking-upright, trenchcoat-wearing cartoon dog, it's probably too late.

    ----------

    My 6-year-old son asked me, "Dad, why do people pay taxes?"

    So I laid it out to him straight. "People pay taxes so Amazon, GE, Starbucks, Google and the Washington Post don't have to."

    ----------

    When do Democrats advocate a flat tax?

    When it reaches 95% or higher.

    ----------

    Once upon a time I was a people person. But then people ruined it for me.

    ----------

    Breaking the ice?



    ----------

    A blond man and his wife are happily married. The wife is pregnant.

    One day she starts having contractions. So the husband rushes her to the hospital where she gives birth to 2 boys.

    The blond man goes in to see his wife and asks, "OK, who's the other father?"

    ----------

    A little Muslim kid was wandering around in a department store, crying because he couldn't find his mother.

    The store manager went over to help. "Don't worry, son. We'll find her. Now what does your mother look like?"

    The kid cries, "How am I supposed to know?"



    ----------

    I could've used that menu a few times!



    ----------

    I googled "tax avoidance." It took me right back to the Google search page.

    ----------

    I have a couple of questions for the Attorney General.

    Shouldn't a 16-year-old who identifies as a 21-year-old be able to drink alcohol?

    Shouldn't a 40-year-old who identifies as a 70-year-old be able to go on Social Security?

    I mean, if we're going to identify people simply by their "feelings" it would seem anything goes.

    ----------

    Not to be outdone by Comey, Hitlery is writing a new tell-all book, too.



    ----------

    My wife just put on one of those skirts where I can just see the edge of her butt.

    I'd probably find it sexy if the skirt wasn't knee-length.

    ----------

    My extra sensitive toothpaste gets jealous when I use other toothpastes.


    _________________
    The American Dream is to be Donald Trump.
    -- Barack Hussein Obama
    avatar
    Psycho144

    Posts : 760
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 78

    Re: Just in time for Hump Day!

    Post  Psycho144 on Wed Apr 18, 2018 8:45 pm

    Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing

      Current date/time is Tue Jun 19, 2018 1:41 am