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    It's that scary Sunday the 15th!

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    sinister_midget
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    It's that scary Sunday the 15th!

    Post  sinister_midget on Sun Apr 15, 2018 12:02 am

    I knew there was a good explanation.



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    Women talk almost three times as much as men.

    That's because we weren't listening the first two times.

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    Brothers?



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    A couple of weeks after a surgery I had, I went back to the doctor to go over how I'm recovering.

    "So, what have you been doing while you've been healing?" he asked.

    "Nothing much," I said. "Just lounging around all day, looking at the internet on my computer, drinking coffeee, texting friends."

    He got extremely upset. "I told you not to go back to your government job for at least 3 weeks!" he scolded.

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    Some might.



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    I used to be a lifeguard. But some blue kid got me fired.

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    Finally found a routine I think I can stick with.



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    I'm easy.



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    Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while, one guy looks at the other and says, "I can't help but think from listening to you that you're from Ireland."

    The other guy responds proudly, "Yes, that I am!"

    The first guy says, "So am I! And whereabouts from Ireland might you be?"

    The other guy answers, "I'm from Dublin, I am."

    The first guy responds, "Sure and begora, and so am I! And what street did you live on in Dublin?"

    The other guy says, "A lovely little area it was. I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town."

    The first guy says, "Faith and it's a small world, so did I! And to what school would you have been going?"

    The other guy answers, "Well now, I went to St. Mary's, of course."

    The first guy gets really excited, and says, "And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?"

    The other guy answers, "Well, now, I graduated in 1964."

    The first guy exclaims, "The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary's in 1964 my own self."

    About this time another guy walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer. The bartender walks over shaking his head and mutters, "It's going to be a long night tonight."

    The guy asks, "Why do you say that?"

    "The Murphy twins are drunk again."

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    A Muslim woman was raped a few blocks away from my house last week. Police still haven't been able to establish a motive.

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    Just another day in China.



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    I went in for my annual physical the other day. The nurse started with the usual questions.

    "How tall are you?"

    "I'm 5-11," I said.

    She had me stand by the thing on the wall, then said I was 5-5.

    "How much do you weigh?" she asked.

    I told her, "Last time I checked I was 140."

    She put me on the scale. "It must have been awhile since you looked. You're 230 now."

    She checked my blood pressure, then told me it was really high.

    "Hell yes, it's high!" I exclaimed. "When I came in here I was tall and fit. Not I'm short and fat!"

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    What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?

    Gloves!

    Just kidding. I don't know what he got. He hasn't opened it yet.

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    I find this to be a real time-saver!



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    At work Friday this gorgeous woman working there came up to me and asked me if I had any plans for the weekend.

    "Nothing planned," I said, somewhat excitedly.

    "Good," she told me. "Get some rest. You look like hell."

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    I need a new friend. The last one escaped.

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    Some people are two-faced!



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    I just made my New Year's resolution. It's to be less lazy.

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    I have blue eyes. I got them from my dad.

    My mom has black eyes. She also got them from my dad.


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    Psycho144

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    Age : 78

    Re: It's that scary Sunday the 15th!

    Post  Psycho144 on Sun Apr 15, 2018 10:12 am

    Smile Smile
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    Sunshine16

    Posts : 241
    Join date : 2016-08-28
    Location : Virginia

    Re: It's that scary Sunday the 15th!

    Post  Sunshine16 on Tue Apr 17, 2018 4:20 am

    I just saw that belly face...lol  



    Anyone else here have trouble staying logged in? I have to make a new password nearly every time lately.
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    Ladyelaine

    Posts : 522
    Join date : 2016-08-27
    Location : Suwannee Springs, Florida

    Re: It's that scary Sunday the 15th!

    Post  Ladyelaine on Tue Apr 17, 2018 10:50 am

    Sunshine - I haven't had any trouble staying signed in. Something is wrong though - even after signing in, the only threads I am able to read consist of whatever the latest one is in each category. I can not read any older threads, only the single latest one in each category; therefore, I can not reply to any other thread because I can not view any, other than that.
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    Ladyelaine

    Posts : 522
    Join date : 2016-08-27
    Location : Suwannee Springs, Florida

    Re: It's that scary Sunday the 15th!

    Post  Ladyelaine on Tue Apr 17, 2018 1:19 pm

    The reason I can not click on a forum seems to be because there are some unreadable dark bold printed words super-imposed over the name of each forum which block and prevent me from accessing the forum itself. Those blocking words appeared about 2 days ago & are still there today; however,  I've now found a way to read threads other than the latest one by clicking on the latest thread, then looking in upper left hand corner and clicking on the name of the forum (after the words New Board). The other threads on that forum then become visible.
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    Psycho144

    Posts : 760
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    Re: It's that scary Sunday the 15th!

    Post  Psycho144 on Tue Apr 17, 2018 1:49 pm

    Same thing here Lady, been this way for awhile.


    Psycho
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    Ladyelaine

    Posts : 522
    Join date : 2016-08-27
    Location : Suwannee Springs, Florida

    Re: It's that scary Sunday the 15th!

    Post  Ladyelaine on Tue Apr 17, 2018 2:22 pm

    Thank you Psycho, good to know the trouble is not confined to only my computer.
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    sinister_midget
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    Re: It's that scary Sunday the 15th!

    Post  sinister_midget on Tue Apr 17, 2018 3:28 pm

    I thought it was just me because I run a VPN a lot.

    What I've been doing is clicking Home at top to get completely out of a section, or clicking the name of the section (General, for example) to get out of a particular thread. Every time I hit the reload button or something I run into the problem. But those things have worked around it.

    Not sure if there's anything I can do about it. Now that I know it's not just me I'll look into it.


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