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    Happy Easter!

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    sinister_midget
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    Posts : 2888
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 65
    Location : Home

    Happy Easter!

    Post  sinister_midget on Sun Apr 01, 2018 12:54 am

    Oops!



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    I know a guy who's addicted to drinking brake fluid.

    He says he can stop any time.

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    Some dogs are harder to housebreak than others.



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    Do you ever wish you had a second chance to meet somebody for the first time so you could run the other way?

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    We all have our roles in life.



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    Last night I changed my name in my son's phone to "God" while he was dozed off.

    Just now I texted him and said, "I saw that!"

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    How many here use scented candles when they take baths?



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    To the lady at COSTCO with her son on a leash.....

    I'm sorry for asking if he was a rescue. The profanity was unnecessary, but thank you for not siccing him on me.

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    Curious minds want to know!



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    When I see lovers' names carved on a tree, I don't think about how sweet and touching it is. I think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.

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    I just got some batteries handed to me this morning! They were free of charge!

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    A guy in his late 60s walked into a jeweler's late on a Saturday morning holding hands with a 20-something girl. He went up to the clerk and said he wanted to buy his girl a gift. "Something special," he said.

    The clerk reached into the case and pulled out a nice diamond ring. "This is one of our nicest products," said the clerk. "And it goes for only $7,000."

    The old guy said, "No, I was looking for something much more special."

    The clerk went into the back and came out with a necklace that was stunning. "This is the best item we have in stock right now," he said. "You can have this for $70,000. If you want something more, we'll need to show you our book to see if you can find something you like."

    "No, I'll take this one," said the man.

    At this point the girl gets very visibly excited that she was going to get such a great gift.

    The old guy said, "I'll have to pay you with a check. I know you'll need to confirm that I'm good for it. So I'll write the check now and leave it with you. You can contact the bank Monday to make sure the funds are there, and I'll pick up the necklace Monday afternoon. Here's my number. Call me when you know it's taken care of."

    On Monday the clerk called the old guy up. "I checked with the bank, sir. They told me there's no money at all in the account."

    "I know," said the guy. "But let me tell you about my weekend!"

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    Just remember, there's always peopl who have things in their lives that are worse than yours.



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    Sometimes life throws you a curveball and you just don't know enough about baseball to finish the metaphor.

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    I'll just leave this here.....



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    You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things, like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for later in life.

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    When the car you used to draw in kindergarten pulls up beside you...



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    Last night I went to a strip club. They had the ugliest dancer I've ever seen!

    She danced over to me and said, "Hey, handsome! What would you like me to take off first?"

    I told her, "My glasses."

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    Don't try this at home!



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    When my time comes to go to the hereafter, I want a closed casket. And towards the end of the service I want the organist to play "Pop Goes the Weasel" over and over until everyone in attendance is staring at my coffin with silent, horrified anticipation.

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    Sometimes you can't even give it away.



    _________________
    The American Dream is to be Donald Trump.
    -- Barack Hussein Obama
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    JJRobinson

    Posts : 662
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 71
    Location : Texas

    Re: Happy Easter!

    Post  JJRobinson on Sun Apr 01, 2018 7:02 am

    Laughing
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    Psycho144

    Posts : 760
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 78

    Re: Happy Easter!

    Post  Psycho144 on Mon Apr 02, 2018 11:23 am

    Laughing Laughing Laughing

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    Re: Happy Easter!

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