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    Sheesh, what a week! I can't wait until Friday!

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    sinister_midget
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    Sheesh, what a week! I can't wait until Friday!

    Post  sinister_midget on Sun Mar 11, 2018 11:39 pm

    Yes, it does make one wonder...


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    I always wanted to lay naked on a bearskin rug in front of a fireplace!

    Apparently Cracker Barrel has a policy against that.

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    This is sooooooooooooo wong!



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    What the heck are birds so excited about at 5AM?

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    Maybe this is why.



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    Of course they do!



    They also pretend to be communists without ever starving to death for the cause!

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    I bet that was a tough decision!



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    I was sitting in the kitchen when my daughter went up to her mother and asked her how to make her breasts larger.

    "Don't worry about it," my wife said. "You don't need large breasts to attract a man. Mine aren't big and it didn't stop me."

    "I know, mom," said my daughter. "But look at what you wound up with."

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    In case you missed it.



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    I saw a sign that said "NOT ALL DISABILITIES ARE VISIBLE"

    I don't know about you, but I'd call invisibility a superpower, not a disability.

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    For shame!



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    Ray got home one night after a long day at work, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife and fell into a deep slumber.

    He awoke standing at the pearly gates. St Peter said, "You died in your sleep."

    Ray was stunned. "I'm dead? No, I can't be! I have so much to live for. You gotta send me back!"

    St Peter said, "I'm sorry, but there is only one way you can go back and that's as a chicken."

    Ray was devastated. But he was adamant, so he begged St Peter to send him to a farm near his home. Next thing he knew he was covered in feathers, clucking and pecking the ground.

    A rooster strolled past. "So you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?"

    "Not bad," said Ray. "But I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm going to explode!"

    "You're ovulating," explained the rooster. "Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?"

    "Never," said Ray.

    "Well, just relax and let it happen. It's no big deal."

    He did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg. Ray was so overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood! He soon laid another. His joy was overwhelming!

    As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head and heard, "Ray! Wake up! You're pooping in the bed!"

    Getting old just ain't always what they said it would be!

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    Looks like home robots are just about ready to go on the market!



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    Mr. Rogers didn't adequately prepare me for the people in MY neighborhood!

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    In wine there is wisdom.
    In beer there is strength.
    In water there is bacteria.

    You decide.

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    If you ask me, he's already done a lot about it.



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    NEWSFLASH: Russians hack CNN...Post real news

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    Life is tough if you're a liberal.



    _________________
    The American Dream is to be Donald Trump.
    -- Barack Hussein Obama

      Current date/time is Tue Jun 19, 2018 1:30 am