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    I forgot to go to the gum again today. That's ten years in a row now.

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    sinister_midget
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    I forgot to go to the gum again today. That's ten years in a row now.

    Post  sinister_midget on Mon Feb 19, 2018 11:02 pm

    The ladies probably already know this. But for you guys who may have to occasionally cook something yourselves.....



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    What's the difference between "complete" and "finished"?

    If you marry the right woman, you're complete. If you marry the wrong one, you're finished.

    If the right one catches you with the wrong one, you're completely finished.

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    How do deaf people know if someone is screaming or yawning?

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    Here's Joy Behar taking The View crew out for a bite of lunch.



    Looks like Rosie was back for a shoot that day.

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    Grammar Nazis long for the days of you're.

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    I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of planes.

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    At nearly 90 years old, Mickey Mouse has decided to stop mousing around and just be himself.



    Nice combover, Mickey.

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    A little boy gets home from school and says, "Dad, I've got a part in the school play! I play the man who's been married for 25 years!"

    His dad replies, "Don't worry about it son. Maybe next time you'll get a speaking part."

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    Q: How do you trigger a feminist?

    A: Give her what she wants.



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    I have a friend named Jay. We call him J for short.

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    I can't think of a more logical explanation.



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    I hired an escort who advertised as a real girlfriend experience.

    I got to her door and rang the bell. She opened it and said, "You're late! I bet you stopped off at the bar!" We didn't speak for the rest of the night, and I ended up sleeping on the couch.

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    I think I see the point now.



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    I've read air traffic controllers have the highest suicide rates among any profession.

    Here I thought it would be suicide bombers.

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    I got cut off by a jerk in traffic today.

    But I gritted my teeth and let it go.

    He turned into the same lot I did ahead of me. I pulled in, saw a parking spot and as I headed for it, he swung in front of me and took it.

    I gritted my teeth and let it go.

    But the final straw was when his car got paint on my key!

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    I'll second that.



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    I went on a date with a big boned girl.

    Well, she said she was big boned. I couldn't say for sure because they were covered in fat.

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    The average age for a Muslim couple to be married: Twenty-six

    Him twenty, her six.

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    They seem to miss all of the obvious ones.



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    I just walked past the local mosque and there are all kinds of shoes outside!

    I'm sure they've got a bouncy castle in there!

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    I'm a secondhand vegetarian.

    Cows eat grass, I eat cows.

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    How many grammar Nazis does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Too.

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    Lesbians, if you hate men so much, stop trying to look like them.

    I've never seen a Jew dress up as a Nazi.

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    Now you know.



    _________________
    The American Dream is to be Donald Trump.
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    Sunshine16

    Posts : 241
    Join date : 2016-08-28
    Location : Virginia

    Re: I forgot to go to the gum again today. That's ten years in a row now.

    Post  Sunshine16 on Tue Feb 20, 2018 5:38 am

    Good ones....also...love the cat's world.
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    Psycho144

    Posts : 760
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 78

    Re: I forgot to go to the gum again today. That's ten years in a row now.

    Post  Psycho144 on Tue Feb 20, 2018 8:19 am

    Laughing Laughing bounce

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    Re: I forgot to go to the gum again today. That's ten years in a row now.

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