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    Happy Groundhog Day! Wait...I already said that! Oh, it's Groundhog Day so it's OK!

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    sinister_midget
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    Happy Groundhog Day! Wait...I already said that! Oh, it's Groundhog Day so it's OK!

    Post  sinister_midget on Fri Feb 02, 2018 12:17 pm

    I can play it on guitar if they need accompaniment.



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    I'll never forget the night I looked into her eyes. I felt my knees go weak, had butterflies in my stomach and my heart was beating like mad.

    I knew I'd spiked the wrong drink.

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    While in between jobs, I went on a spiritual journey, traveled to holy lands never before seen by mortal men. I spoke with Jesus, Buddha, Mohammed, Tupac, Odin, Zeus, Xenu and about 500 different Hindu Gods.

    I asked them all the same question: How many genders are there?

    They all gave me the same answer. "Two."

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    Don't forget to switch accounts!



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    While we're discussing mistakes one should be careful not to make.....



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    I'm not saying my wife's fat. But I struggle to lift her photograph.

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    I applaud China for relaxing the restriction of only one child per family that they used to enforce.

    Those iPhones aren't going to make themselves.

    All those extra lungs will help filter the air, too.

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    I see the new income tax form is out for all of the lefties who are "resisting" Trump.



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    "Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock"

    "Who's there?"

    "Michael J Fox"

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    I got arrested in China. The cop read my rights.

    Barely took any time at all!

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    Illegal immigrants have brought such a wealth of cultural advancement to California that it's no wonder they've made the entire state a sanctuary!



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    I got a book to help me communicate on a trip to China that I made.

    It wasn't that helpful, though. After getting there I found it was missing the one most-used phrase spoken ther: "Sorry, I thought you were someone else."

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    Must be a dominant gene.



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    I like to mess with my blind friend. Sometimes I say, "Can you tell me what this says? It's in Braille." Then I hand him a Lego.

    Apparently all Legos say "Screw you, dude!"

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    The school called me today. "Your son's telling lies."

    I told her, "Tell him he's very good at it. I don't have any kids."

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    I was at the gym for a workout when this fat girl came up and asked me if I could show her how to use the macnine I was standing next to.

    "It's easy," I said. "You drop your coin in the slot and the snack comes out at the bottom."

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    All my life I've loved hot chocolate.

    These days, though, I think I'd prefer chocolate with a good personality.

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    If you get on a commercial flight these days you aren't allowed to take shampoo, deodorant, toothpaste, liquid soap, etc.

    The very things a Muslim wouldn't be carrying to begin with.

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    ....and then I awoke and my great dream was ended!



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    What happens when you kiss a canary?

    You get chirpes. It can't be tweeted easily because it's a canarial disease.

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    I agree with James Woods.



    It would be the end of the human race.

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    Aha! That's what R.E.M. was saying!



    I have a friend who swears Jimi Hendrix was singing "scuse me while I kiss this guy."

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    I saw they're going to film a sequel to Groundhog Day.

    They're calling it Groundhog Day.

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    As Paul Harvey would say, and now for the rest of the story.



    _________________
    Few skills are so well rewarded as the ability to convince parasites that they are victims.
    -- Thomas Sowell
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    JJRobinson

    Posts : 651
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 71
    Location : Texas

    Re: Happy Groundhog Day! Wait...I already said that! Oh, it's Groundhog Day so it's OK!

    Post  JJRobinson on Sat Feb 03, 2018 7:14 am

    Very Happy
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    Psycho144

    Posts : 752
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 78

    Re: Happy Groundhog Day! Wait...I already said that! Oh, it's Groundhog Day so it's OK!

    Post  Psycho144 on Sat Feb 03, 2018 10:22 am

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    Re: Happy Groundhog Day! Wait...I already said that! Oh, it's Groundhog Day so it's OK!

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