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    Told you the weekend was too short!

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    sinister_midget
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    Posts : 2724
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 65
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    Told you the weekend was too short!

    Post  sinister_midget on Sun Jan 07, 2018 10:36 pm

    How do you know when you're staying in a hotel room in Arkansas?

    You call the front desk, tell them "I gotta leak in my sink" and they say "Go ahead."

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    Why did the cow cross the road?

    Because I was walking up the street and I apparently forgot our wedding anniversary.

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    #MeToo revisited.




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    "I've got blisters on my hands from the broom," complained my wife.

    I said, "Well, next time take the car, silly."

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    Two women meet in heaven.

    Hi, Wanda," said Sylvia.

    Sylvia said, "Hi, Wanda! How'd you die?"

    Wanda responded, "Oh, I froze to death."

    "That's horrible!" exclaimed Sylvia"

    Wanda said, "Not really. It wasn't that bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to feel warmer and became sleepy. I finally died a peaceful death. How about you?"

    "Well," said Sylvia, "I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected my husband was cheating on me. So I came home early to catch him. But instead I found him in the den watching TV."

    "So what Happened?" asked Wanda.

    "I was so sure there was another woman there," said Sylvia, "that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up to the attic and searched, then down to the basement. I went through every closet and checked under all of the beds. I kept it up until there was nowhere else to look. But I finally became so exhausted I just keeled over with a heart attack and died."

    "That's too bad," said Wanda. "If you'd looked in the freezer early enough we might both be alive."

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    Do tell!



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    One of the leading pharmaceutical companies has announced they will no longer use rabbits for experiments with new drugs. Rabbits will be replaced with Muslims.

    A spokesman explained that Muslims breed faster. Plus nobody has any objection to using non-intelligent beings for experimentation.

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    Got your nose!



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    My daughter called me from the university. She was crying . She said people are calling her fat and ugly.

    I was furious! I could have told her that and it wouldn't have cost me $30,000 a year to do it!

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    What is the best way to have a Muslim bachelor party?

    Turn it into a stag party!



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    Laughter is the best medicine.

    Unless you have diarrhea.

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    Harder than it is for alcohol and drug addicts.



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    The Red Cross just called up and asked if we'd like to contribute towards the floods in Pakistan. I said I'd love to but our hose only reaches then end of the driveway.

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    During an argument, my girlfriend said my jokes are inappropriately timed and that I have absolutely no respect for the dead!

    I told her that I do have respect for the dead, which is why I always put their clothes back on afterwards.

    I thought that joke was beautifully timed!

    Women!

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    You knew it was coming, don't deny it!



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    Ever wondered why the Mississippi river runs through St Louis?

    Because if it walked it'd get mugged.

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    I decided to give an honest try to follow my New Years resolution to work out and get in shape. So I got a gym membership.

    Yesterday my bank called to see if my credit card was stolen.

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    I have to say my greatest strength is my attentionto detail.

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    Not driving, that's for sure.



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    My neighbor clearly doesn't watch porn.

    She called me over to fix her sink. I've been here an hour and I'm still fixing her sink!

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    And she's there for all of ya!



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    Went into the kitchen this morning and found the wife face down and not breathing.

    I panicked, not knowing what to do.

    I reached for the phone to call for help. Then I remembered there's a McDonald's down the street and they serve breakfast until 1030.

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    Wonder which gender this one is.



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    In the near future.



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    -- Thomas Sowell

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    Re: Told you the weekend was too short!

    Post  Guest on Mon Jan 08, 2018 3:24 pm

    What a FaceWhat a FaceWhat a FaceWhat a Face
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    Psycho144

    Posts : 741
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 78

    Re: Told you the weekend was too short!

    Post  Psycho144 on Tue Jan 09, 2018 5:03 pm

    Laughing Laughing Laughing

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