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    Another weekend that will be over just as it's getting started

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    sinister_midget
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    Posts : 2460
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 64
    Location : Home

    Another weekend that will be over just as it's getting started

    Post  sinister_midget on Fri Jan 05, 2018 8:32 pm

    I told my wife how my New Years resolution is to try and be a happier person.

    "That's wonderful!" she said, giving me a big hug.

    "I'm glad you think so," I told her. "Your bag's by the front door."


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    Why did the feminist cross the road?

    To start a fight with a complete stranger for no reason whatsoever.


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    I tried being nice today by holding a door open for a woman.

    But all the ingrate would do is keep yelling "I'm peeing in here!"


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    I went to see a Muslim tribute band at a Mosque in Kansas City. They were called Bomb Jovi.

    Thought they were brilliant. Songs like "Losing my Head over You", "You Blow Me Up", "Rocket Launcher Man", "You're 6, You're Beautiful and You're Mine:

    Their last song "Living on a Prayer Mat" nearly brought the house down.

    Then this one Muslim guy started bragging about how he had the entire Koran on DVD.

    I was interested, so I asked him, "Can you burn me a copy?"

    Well, that was when the trouble started.....those people have no sense of humor at all.


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    Is there no sanctuary anywhere?




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    How can you tell if a woman is a feminist?

    If the boring clothes, no makeup and angry demeanor don't give it away, give her a few more seconds and she'll tell you.


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    ME: I think it's time to get my life in order.

    MORGAN FREEMAN: But he would not get his life in order. In fact, that night he got drunk and fought a raccoon.


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    When you just need a little bit of terror.




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    I don't always downshift.

    But when I do it's always next to a Prius so they can hear me hurt the environment.


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    I'm a great supporter of feminism. The sooner women can do our jobs for us the better.


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    Get it? Get it?




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    Feminism is the belief that both sexes may become equal by focusing solely on one of them.


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    I saw a feminist magic trick.

    She turned me from a nice, easy-going guy into a misogynist.


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    It's so cold out.......




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    I used to be scared of heights. But after feminism I'm scared of widths, too.


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    I bet it doesn't happen very often.




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    What do you call a feminist that isn't fat or a lesbian?

    Not a feminist.


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    I feel another sexual predator case coming on.




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    Feminism is great. It gives women something to do while their husbands go to work.


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    Some just don't seem to have any decency!




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    Feminists claim men are complete failures.

    Then they measure personal success in relation to men's.


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    The Twilight Zone




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    How do you confuse a feminist?

    Demand that she doesn't iron your shirt.


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    Always listen to your mother!




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    My girlfriend is a feminist.

    Which means she finds sexist jokes totally abhorrent unless they're about men.


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    My wife and I play Trivial Pursuit a lot. That's where she ignores me until I correctly guess what I did wrong.


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    Feminism is the belief that women should have a right to total control over their own bodies, but they shouldn't be allowed to flash their boobs in a strip club.


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    Due to the cold weather Walmart is advising customers to protect themselves and wear at least two pairs of pajamas.


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    I went to a bar with my girlfriend last night. The other customers kept shouting "pedophile" and other names at me just because I'm 65 and she's 24. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary!


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    Texans can finally relax!




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    What's the male equivalent of a feminist?

    A sexist.


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    "Thousands left shaken by earthquake."

    You wouldn't lie to me, would you?


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    How did feminism start?

    Somebody forgot to lock the kitchen door.


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    My wife started believing in reincarnation.

    I told her I'd read that when you die you're reincarnated. But it has to be a different creature. She said she'd come back as a cow. I told her she obviously hadn't been listening.

    That's when the fight started.


    _________________
    One of the most important reasons for studying history is that
    virtually every stupid idea that is in vogue today has been tried
    before and proved disastrous before, time and again.
    --  Thomas Sowell
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    Joencalif2

    Posts : 550
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 67
    Location : Riverside Ca

    Re: Another weekend that will be over just as it's getting started

    Post  Joencalif2 on Sat Jan 06, 2018 1:28 pm

    What a FaceWhat a FaceWhat a FaceWhat a Face
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    Psycho144

    Posts : 680
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 77

    Re: Another weekend that will be over just as it's getting started

    Post  Psycho144 on Sat Jan 06, 2018 3:13 pm

    Laughing Laughing Laughing bounce
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    JJRobinson

    Posts : 587
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 70
    Location : Texas

    Re: Another weekend that will be over just as it's getting started

    Post  JJRobinson on Sun Jan 07, 2018 8:04 am

    Very Happy

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