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    2018 Sick Jokes: Take Two

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    sinister_midget
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    2018 Sick Jokes: Take Two

    Post  sinister_midget on Tue Jan 02, 2018 4:10 pm

    I am a single man (37) seeking a life-partner to share my soul with.

    I am sensitive, caring and have a deeply loving nature. If you wish to give me your heart, I will give you mine and know that, held within your gentle hands, it will be safe for ever.

    No fat chicks.


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    mmmmmmm! Inverted no less!!




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    STUDY: Teens now less likely to drink, smoke or use drugs.

    The margin of error is that no teen will admit to drinking, smoking or using drugs.


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    My wife decided she's a vegetarian and pro-choice. So I asked her how meat is murder but abortion isn't.

    I've had peace and quiet for 2 weeks now.


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    Always dream big. Anything is possible!




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    I used to get so excited when I took French lessons in high school. Sometimes I'd lose control and a little 'oui' would come out.


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    My wife has gained a ton of weight this winter, and she's also the most boring and banal woman you can imagine and has never said anything funny or interesting since I've been married to her.

    Basically she has a huge future as a female stand-up comedian.


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    My New Year resolution this year is to eat healthier.




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    My wife asked me, "What's your New Years resolution?"

    I said, "To drink more, smoke more and have more sex."

    She said, "I thought you were supposed to give something up."

    I told her, "I am. You."


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    I'm sure that's the goal.




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    Back before Walmart you had to buy a ticket at a carnival to see a bearded lady.


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    I tried snorting coke once. But the ice cubes kept going up my nose.


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    In case it lains.




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    I heard it was so cold in New England that the man of the people, Bernie Sanders, refused to leave one of his multi-million dollar mansions to drive his $172,000 car!


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    My wife and family tell me I'm out of touch and disorganized.

    But I'll show them. Just wait until they see what I've planned for the New Year's Eve party tomorrow night!


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    I was in a bar last night. This huge woman came over and sat on the stool next to me and started chatting me up. I tried to ignore her. But she was loud and wouldn't stop leaning toward me and trying to get my attention.

    Finally I asked her, "Excuse me. Do you have a pen?"

    She beamed, started fishing in her purse and replied, "Yes. Why?"

    I said, "Well you better get back in before the farmer realizes you got out."


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    My girlfriend gave me a detective book. She said I'd never be able to figure out "whodunit."

    She's not too bright, bless her heart! It says who right on the front. It was Agatha Christie.


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    After the news they can flush, then turn on Netflix for some entertainment.




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    I ate four cans of alphabet soup, and I think it gave me the biggest vowel movement I've ever had!


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    I just learned this morning that there's an upside when a heroin addict in the family dies. You won't have to eat your cereal with a fork any more!


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    I knocked on my neighbor's door today.

    I said, "I think it's disgraceful that you let your son walk around in a dress!"

    She replied, "I don't have a son!"

    "That's the spirit!" I told her. "I'd probably say the same thing if my son wore dresses."


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    Kids, always make sure those close to you know how you're dressed. In case they have to identify the body. Or to prevent accidents.




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    Why is there so little Hispanic literature?

    Spray paint wasn't invented until 1949.


    _________________
    Socialism in general has a record of failure so blatant that only an intellectual could ignore it.
    -- Thomas Sowell
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    Psycho144

    Posts : 741
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 78

    Re: 2018 Sick Jokes: Take Two

    Post  Psycho144 on Tue Jan 02, 2018 9:51 pm

    Laughing Laughing bounce bounce bounce

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    Re: 2018 Sick Jokes: Take Two

    Post  Guest on Wed Jan 03, 2018 11:54 am

    What a FaceWhat a FaceWhat a FaceWhat a Face

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    Re: 2018 Sick Jokes: Take Two

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