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    Did you know you can sing Pinball Wizard while playing Folsom Prison Blues? I do it all the time.

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    sinister_midget
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    Join date : 2016-08-26
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    Did you know you can sing Pinball Wizard while playing Folsom Prison Blues? I do it all the time.

    Post  sinister_midget on Thu Dec 14, 2017 12:08 pm

    First a devastating hurricane. Now this!




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    A little boy wrote to Santa Claus. "Please send me a sister."

    Santa wrote back, "OK. Send me your mother."


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    I saw a documentary on TV about early cavemen. I didn't know it, but there were vegetarians even back then.

    The documentary said they died earlier than the meat-eaters.

    It wasn't due to starvation or malnutrition or anything, though. They were killed by the carnivore humans for constantly nattering on about why they became vegetarians.


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    Are all girls claustrophobic or something?

    Every single one has gone ballistic when I put them in my trunk.


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    VW apologized because of all of the cars in the US spewing noxious gases which were getting into the passenger area of the cars.

    They said there was a mixup at one of the factories. All of those models were supposed to go to Israel.


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    You're telling me you can't see the difference?




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    This Christmas is going to be so exciting! I can't wait to see the surprise on everyone's faces!

    Instead of gifts I decided this year I'd give everyone my opinions!


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    When I was a kid I loved getting presents saying "From Mom & Dad" on them.

    I knew dad had no idea what was inside, so I liked watching his reaction whenever I opened them, too.


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    Allhu Jamjar!




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    ME: Son, you're adopted.

    SON: What? I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!

    ME: We're your biological parents. Now get packed. Your new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes.


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    Better than a "no trespassing" sign.




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    I went to a job interview Friday. The manger interviewing me handed me his laptop and said, "I want you to try to sell this to me."

    So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building and went home.

    Eventually he called me on my cellphone. "Bring that back here right now!" he demanded.

    I said, "Sure. $100 and it's yours."


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    I guess there's no space in all of society that's safe!




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    I was standing outside in horrible weather at the mandatory quarter mile away from the door at an emergency room having a cigarette when a nurse looked out and saw me.

    She exited the door and came over to me. "Do you know the smoke from that nasty thing can kill a baby?" she asked.

    Irritated, I said, "Now you tell me! I've been doing it with a hammer all of this time!"


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    That was the last possibility available. I guess there's absolutely no way left.




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    My girlfriend accused me of cheating.

    I told her to knock it off because she's starting to sound like my wife.


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    A cop pulled me over. When he came to the window he said, "Sir, do you have any idea how fast you were going?"

    I told him, "Yes, thanks! But since you apparently don't know, I was going 30."


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    Not that it's that difficult.




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    It really irritates me to hear the sounds people make when they're eating.

    But I found a solution. I moved to Africa.


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    I saved 15% on car insurance by leaving the scene of an accident.


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    When you look who was in the skit, it's not surprising.




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    My wife got mad at me. I bought her a cycling machine, a couple of cases of Slim Fast and a set of industrial scales for her birthday.

    I knew she was mad, but she wouldn't talk to me to tell me why.

    Then I remembered. I'd forgotten the birthday card! *FACEPALM*


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    A redneck went into a bank to withdraw some money.

    The teller asked, "Do you have any ID?"

    "About what?" asked the redneck.


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    Viewed from space, one can see those who claim the earth is flat are correct.




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    My next door neighbor had a sex change last week.

    It must've gone well. I just watched him spend 45 minutes trying to back out of the driveway.


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    I wish they'd go ahead and move Christmas to the middle of January. Stores are less crowded and prices are slashed to clear inventory.


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    My wife opened the car door for me this morning.

    I would've thought it was a nice gesture if we hadn't been going 60.


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    Facebook's founder, Mark Zuckerberg, has pledged to give away 99 percent of his fortune after the birth of his child.

    Baby Max's first words are going to be, "You did what??"


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    A new victim of Matt Lauer comes forward.




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    Have you ever noticed that "Big Mac" and "McChicken Sandwich" sound almost identical?

    No?

    I didn't either until I used the McDonald's drive-thru.


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    I plan on taking a trip to the middle east. I'm going to start in Britain, then go to France, and I'm planning on finishing up at the biggest Muslim country of all, Sweden.


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    Let's see. I'll have the beef fried miserable past with a side of grilled mice and some mice fry fish sauce. And a beef shake to drink.




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    When people tell me I'm going to regret something in the morning, I sleep until noon.

    Because I'm a problem solver.


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    I always get mine takeout.




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    -- Thomas Sowell

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    Re: Did you know you can sing Pinball Wizard while playing Folsom Prison Blues? I do it all the time.

    Post  Guest on Thu Dec 14, 2017 3:38 pm

    Very Happy:D:D:D
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    Psycho144

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    Age : 78

    Re: Did you know you can sing Pinball Wizard while playing Folsom Prison Blues? I do it all the time.

    Post  Psycho144 on Thu Dec 14, 2017 7:29 pm

    Laughing Laughing
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    JJRobinson

    Posts : 651
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 71
    Location : Texas

    Re: Did you know you can sing Pinball Wizard while playing Folsom Prison Blues? I do it all the time.

    Post  JJRobinson on Fri Dec 15, 2017 6:38 am

    I survived the Texas Blizzard of 2017....We got 20 inches of snow here in Harker Heights.....




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    Ladyelaine

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    Join date : 2016-08-27
    Location : Suwannee Springs, Florida

    Re: Did you know you can sing Pinball Wizard while playing Folsom Prison Blues? I do it all the time.

    Post  Ladyelaine on Fri Dec 15, 2017 7:52 am

    Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy
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    sinister_midget
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    Location : Home

    Re: Did you know you can sing Pinball Wizard while playing Folsom Prison Blues? I do it all the time.

    Post  sinister_midget on Fri Dec 15, 2017 11:58 am

    I was gonna say you'd better put chains on your truck. But it looks like the blizzard was over before you could get them out.


    _________________
    Few skills are so well rewarded as the ability to convince parasites that they are victims.
    -- Thomas Sowell
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    Sunshine16

    Posts : 240
    Join date : 2016-08-28
    Location : Virginia

    Re: Did you know you can sing Pinball Wizard while playing Folsom Prison Blues? I do it all the time.

    Post  Sunshine16 on Sat Dec 16, 2017 7:38 am

    I remember the 5.9 earthquake we had in VA....had a little damage to the stone on the house and one crack on foundation to garage.

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    Re: Did you know you can sing Pinball Wizard while playing Folsom Prison Blues? I do it all the time.

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