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    Did you know you can sing Pinball Wizard while playing Folsom Prison Blues? I do it all the time.

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    sinister_midget
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    Did you know you can sing Pinball Wizard while playing Folsom Prison Blues? I do it all the time.

    Post  sinister_midget on Thu 14 Dec 2017 - 12:08

    First a devastating hurricane. Now this!




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    A little boy wrote to Santa Claus. "Please send me a sister."

    Santa wrote back, "OK. Send me your mother."


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    I saw a documentary on TV about early cavemen. I didn't know it, but there were vegetarians even back then.

    The documentary said they died earlier than the meat-eaters.

    It wasn't due to starvation or malnutrition or anything, though. They were killed by the carnivore humans for constantly nattering on about why they became vegetarians.


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    Are all girls claustrophobic or something?

    Every single one has gone ballistic when I put them in my trunk.


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    VW apologized because of all of the cars in the US spewing noxious gases which were getting into the passenger area of the cars.

    They said there was a mixup at one of the factories. All of those models were supposed to go to Israel.


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    You're telling me you can't see the difference?




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    This Christmas is going to be so exciting! I can't wait to see the surprise on everyone's faces!

    Instead of gifts I decided this year I'd give everyone my opinions!


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    When I was a kid I loved getting presents saying "From Mom & Dad" on them.

    I knew dad had no idea what was inside, so I liked watching his reaction whenever I opened them, too.


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    Allhu Jamjar!




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    ME: Son, you're adopted.

    SON: What? I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!

    ME: We're your biological parents. Now get packed. Your new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes.


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    Better than a "no trespassing" sign.




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    I went to a job interview Friday. The manger interviewing me handed me his laptop and said, "I want you to try to sell this to me."

    So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building and went home.

    Eventually he called me on my cellphone. "Bring that back here right now!" he demanded.

    I said, "Sure. $100 and it's yours."


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    I guess there's no space in all of society that's safe!




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    I was standing outside in horrible weather at the mandatory quarter mile away from the door at an emergency room having a cigarette when a nurse looked out and saw me.

    She exited the door and came over to me. "Do you know the smoke from that nasty thing can kill a baby?" she asked.

    Irritated, I said, "Now you tell me! I've been doing it with a hammer all of this time!"


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    That was the last possibility available. I guess there's absolutely no way left.




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    My girlfriend accused me of cheating.

    I told her to knock it off because she's starting to sound like my wife.


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    A cop pulled me over. When he came to the window he said, "Sir, do you have any idea how fast you were going?"

    I told him, "Yes, thanks! But since you apparently don't know, I was going 30."


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    Not that it's that difficult.




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    It really irritates me to hear the sounds people make when they're eating.

    But I found a solution. I moved to Africa.


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    I saved 15% on car insurance by leaving the scene of an accident.


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    When you look who was in the skit, it's not surprising.




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    My wife got mad at me. I bought her a cycling machine, a couple of cases of Slim Fast and a set of industrial scales for her birthday.

    I knew she was mad, but she wouldn't talk to me to tell me why.

    Then I remembered. I'd forgotten the birthday card! *FACEPALM*


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    A redneck went into a bank to withdraw some money.

    The teller asked, "Do you have any ID?"

    "About what?" asked the redneck.


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    Viewed from space, one can see those who claim the earth is flat are correct.




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    My next door neighbor had a sex change last week.

    It must've gone well. I just watched him spend 45 minutes trying to back out of the driveway.


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    I wish they'd go ahead and move Christmas to the middle of January. Stores are less crowded and prices are slashed to clear inventory.


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    My wife opened the car door for me this morning.

    I would've thought it was a nice gesture if we hadn't been going 60.


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    Facebook's founder, Mark Zuckerberg, has pledged to give away 99 percent of his fortune after the birth of his child.

    Baby Max's first words are going to be, "You did what??"


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    A new victim of Matt Lauer comes forward.




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    Have you ever noticed that "Big Mac" and "McChicken Sandwich" sound almost identical?

    No?

    I didn't either until I used the McDonald's drive-thru.


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    I plan on taking a trip to the middle east. I'm going to start in Britain, then go to France, and I'm planning on finishing up at the biggest Muslim country of all, Sweden.


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    Let's see. I'll have the beef fried miserable past with a side of grilled mice and some mice fry fish sauce. And a beef shake to drink.




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    When people tell me I'm going to regret something in the morning, I sleep until noon.

    Because I'm a problem solver.


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    I always get mine takeout.




    _________________
    One of the most important reasons for studying history is that
    virtually every stupid idea that is in vogue today has been tried
    before and proved disastrous before, time and again.
    --  Thomas Sowell

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    Re: Did you know you can sing Pinball Wizard while playing Folsom Prison Blues? I do it all the time.

    Post  Guest on Thu 14 Dec 2017 - 15:38

    Very Happy:D:D:D
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    Psycho144

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    Age : 77

    Re: Did you know you can sing Pinball Wizard while playing Folsom Prison Blues? I do it all the time.

    Post  Psycho144 on Thu 14 Dec 2017 - 19:29

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    JJRobinson

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    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 70
    Location : Texas

    Re: Did you know you can sing Pinball Wizard while playing Folsom Prison Blues? I do it all the time.

    Post  JJRobinson on Fri 15 Dec 2017 - 6:38

    I survived the Texas Blizzard of 2017....We got 20 inches of snow here in Harker Heights.....




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    Ladyelaine

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    Join date : 2016-08-27
    Location : Suwannee Springs, Florida

    Re: Did you know you can sing Pinball Wizard while playing Folsom Prison Blues? I do it all the time.

    Post  Ladyelaine on Fri 15 Dec 2017 - 7:52

    Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy
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    sinister_midget
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    Re: Did you know you can sing Pinball Wizard while playing Folsom Prison Blues? I do it all the time.

    Post  sinister_midget on Fri 15 Dec 2017 - 11:58

    I was gonna say you'd better put chains on your truck. But it looks like the blizzard was over before you could get them out.


    _________________
    One of the most important reasons for studying history is that
    virtually every stupid idea that is in vogue today has been tried
    before and proved disastrous before, time and again.
    --  Thomas Sowell
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    Sunshine16

    Posts : 208
    Join date : 2016-08-28
    Location : Virginia

    Re: Did you know you can sing Pinball Wizard while playing Folsom Prison Blues? I do it all the time.

    Post  Sunshine16 on Sat 16 Dec 2017 - 7:38

    I remember the 5.9 earthquake we had in VA....had a little damage to the stone on the house and one crack on foundation to garage.

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    Re: Did you know you can sing Pinball Wizard while playing Folsom Prison Blues? I do it all the time.

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