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    I like holding hands at movies - but it always seems to startle strangers

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    sinister_midget
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    Posts : 2344
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 64
    Location : Home

    I like holding hands at movies - but it always seems to startle strangers

    Post  sinister_midget on Wed Dec 06, 2017 4:08 pm

    What do you call a blond who eats too much?

    Fat.


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    Every man, 2018.




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    What do you call an attractive white woman sitting in the same room as a Muslim?

    Hostage.


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    Did you know, if you counted up all of the hot dogs bought at baseball games every week in the US, chances are you're autistic.


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    If you saw a bus full of Muslims on fire on the side of the road, would you go to lunch first or see a movie?


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    What do you call a husband who is half Irish and half Muslim?

    O'Pressive.


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    Arguing with a woman is like reading a software license agreement.

    In the end, you ignore everything and click "I agree".


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    What do you call kinky sex with chocolate?

    S&M&M.


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    What do you call a redneck with a sheep under one arm and a pig under the other?

    Bisexual.


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    What do you call women who hang out with prostitutes?

    Support hos.


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    I noticed a sign in Subway saying the meat is Halal, a method of slaughter that adheres to Muslim law. I asked the girl in back if that was true, and she told me it is.

    So, how do you strap a backpack to a chicken?


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    Nancy Pelosi just announced Americans are going to have to be groped by Al Franken to find out if he's a pervert.


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    I ran into my ex-wife and asked her how she was getting along.

    "I'm with someone now who's twice the man you are!" she sneered.

    I could've handled it OK. But her partner came along and turned out to be another woman.


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    What do you call a redhead with an attitude?

    Normal.


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    In which state does the Mississippi River flow?

    Liquid.


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    What do you call an African walking to the river?

    "My keyboard doesn't have any of those funny clicking noises they make. So let's call him Bob.


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    To be continued.....




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    If you're ever chased by a police dog, whatever you do, don't jump through a hoop of fire or run over a seesaw.

    They're trained for that kind of crap!


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    A beautiful woman walked up to me in a bar and handed me a napkin.

    She smiled and said, "Call any time," then walked away.

    I opened the napkin and found the business card of a plastic surgeon.


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    Imagine a person so pathetic that they need to photoshop people into pictures so their rallies don't look empty.




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    Two priests are driving down the road when they get stopped by police.

    "We're looking for two child molesters," said an officer.

    The priests look at each other, then the driver turns and says, "We'll do it."


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    Who says education is poor?



    But they have no problem committing REAL atrocities.




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    What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?

    The French army.


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    My wife and her friends were talking about feminism when they asked me if thought it had a positive impact on women.

    Apparently, saying "Well, not all women with daddy issues are pretty enough to be strippers" isn't an acceptable answer.


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    Jeez, how long's it been? Surely you can just call it "Zealand" by now!


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    What do you call a prostitute's children?

    Brothel sprouts.


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    Rednecks have it easy.

    They never have to worry about taking their girlfriends to meet their parents.


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    Don't tell anybody.



    _________________
    One of the most important reasons for studying history is that
    virtually every stupid idea that is in vogue today has been tried
    before and proved disastrous before, time and again.
    --  Thomas Sowell
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    Joencalif2

    Posts : 522
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 67
    Location : Riverside Ca

    Re: I like holding hands at movies - but it always seems to startle strangers

    Post  Joencalif2 on Wed Dec 06, 2017 4:18 pm

    What a FaceWhat a FaceWhat a FaceWhat a Face
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    Psycho144

    Posts : 655
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 77

    Re: I like holding hands at movies - but it always seems to startle strangers

    Post  Psycho144 on Thu Dec 07, 2017 10:14 am

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    Re: I like holding hands at movies - but it always seems to startle strangers

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