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    Got dem ol' Monday moanin' blues


    Posts : 2344
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 64
    Location : Home

    Got dem ol' Monday moanin' blues

    Post  sinister_midget on Mon Oct 23, 2017 1:56 pm

    A friend had a fight with his wife. He asked if he could crash on my couch.

    I had to apologize and decline since that's where I've been sleeping since I got married.


    Did you know that 'emas eht yltcaxe' is exactly the same backwards?


    What she said!


    I used to think I had a Japanese friend. But it turns out it was just my imagine Asian.


    My wife just called me at work telling me she could smell gas and asked what to do.

    I told her to light a scented candle. That should solve both of our problems.


    Some people check their credit card statements for fraud. I check mine to see where I've been.


    I only drink on days that start with "T".

    Tuesday, Thursday, Today, Tomorrow, Thaturday, Thunday.....


    Some people have a knack for making trouble for themselves.


    Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. Small. Large. Circle. Square. Thin crust. Thick crust. Stuffed crust. Extra toppings.


    Unless you've been through a typhoon it's really hard to understand what it can be like.

    I remember the first one my wife went through. I'd been through several before and knew what to expect.

    When the winds started and trees started to bend and break, I noticed her staring through the glass doors. That look of fear on her face will always stay with me. I couldn't help but feel sorry for her.

    The winds worsened and rain intensified. She stared through the door for hours until the eye came over and all went calm.

    When the wind stopped, I was able to unlock the door and let her in.


    What's the difference between a rapist and a conservative?

    Hollywood won't work with a conservative.


    Them Democrats got everything!


    A teacher decides to let students out early if they can name the origin of a famous quote.

    The teacher asks, "Who said 'Four score and seven years ago'?"

    Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

    Teacher says, "That's right, Susie. You can go home."

    Again the teacher asks, "Who said 'I have a dream'?"

    This time, before Johnny could say anything, Mary declares, "Martin Luther King."

    "Very good, Mary," says the teacher. "You may go."

    "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?" asks the teacher.

    This time Nancy beat Johnny to the answer. "John F. Kennedy," she says.

    "That's correct, Nancy. You may go," said the teacher.

    Apparently finished, the teacher turns her back to the class. Frustrated, Johnny says, "I wish those b&%$ches would keep their mouths shut!"

    The teacher whips around, livid, and asks, "Who said that??"

    Johnny says, "Harvey Weinstein. Can I go now, miss?"


    Now you know.


    My son told me today that he's gay.

    I put my arm around him and said, "Don't worry about it. Your mom still loves you."


    Why do Japanese Sumo wrestlers shave their legs?

    So they can tell each other apart from the feminists.


    The one time I did it was in Chinese.


    The one thing I've learned from the ghost hunter shows is that everybody speaks English after they die.


    That's why I don't have one.


    As God is my witness, if I hear of one more producer having dirty, raunchy sex with multiple sexy women, I'm becoming a producer myself!


    I was reading the paper today and learned that the US is the country that sends the most used clothing to Africa.

    Not sure what the point is. I don't think I've ever seen an African with a 52 inch waist.


    I went for an interview for an office job today. The interviewer said I'd start at $3000 a month, and after six months I'd be raised to $4,000.

    I told her I'd start in six months.


    Yeah, that is pretty bad.


    I was so ugly as a kid that the local pedophile used to eat his own sweets.


    How does a Japanese person distinguish between a German and an extraterristrial?

    He doesn't. They're both Aryians.

    Last edited by sinister_midget on Mon Oct 23, 2017 5:20 pm; edited 1 time in total

    One of the most important reasons for studying history is that
    virtually every stupid idea that is in vogue today has been tried
    before and proved disastrous before, time and again.
    --  Thomas Sowell

    Posts : 522
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 67
    Location : Riverside Ca

    Re: Got dem ol' Monday moanin' blues

    Post  Joencalif2 on Mon Oct 23, 2017 3:15 pm

    Very Happy:D:D:D

    Posts : 655
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 77

    Re: Got dem ol' Monday moanin' blues

    Post  Psycho144 on Mon Oct 23, 2017 6:15 pm

    Laughing Laughing Laughing

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    Re: Got dem ol' Monday moanin' blues

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