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    For the day that follows Hump Day

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    sinister_midget
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    Posts : 1977
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 64
    Location : Home

    For the day that follows Hump Day

    Post  sinister_midget on Wed Oct 11, 2017 11:15 pm

    The other day I was with the wife while she was shopping and trying on clothes.

    "Does this color make me look fat, honey?" she asked.

    "I don't think the color is to blame, dear," I said.

    Now I'm single.


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    I hate when that happens!



    Well, I would if I thought going to a feminist picnic was a good idea in the first place.


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    I'm a workaholic. Mention work and I start drinking.


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    Kids are great. You can teach them to hate what you hate, and with the internet and all, they practically raise themselves.
    -- Homer Simpson


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    I was saddened today when I heard Hugh Hefner died.

    When I first heard about it the other day I was overjoyed. But then I found out I misunderstood the girl on the news. I thought she said "Huge Heifer" and I sent my regards to Rosie O'Donnell.


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    Almost all serial killers are men.

    That's because women prefer to kill one man. Slowly. Over many years.


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    ☑ Ironing done
    ☑ Vacuuming done
    ☑ Laundry finished
    ☑ Dusting done
    ☑ Dishes washed
    ☑ Kids bathed
    ☑ Kids in bed

    Great! Now I can get outta this bar and go home!


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    Wisdom from a public servant.




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    I never make the same mistake twice.

    I make it about 12 times just to be sure it really is a mistake.


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    How many married men does it take to change a lightbulb?

    None. Their wives get sick of asking and change it themselves.


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    When I first met my wife I told her I was a man who believed in doing his fair share of housework.

    As a man, my fair share happens to be zero.


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    Sometimes when we're all sitting around telling ghost stories, I wonder if the ghosts are all around us saying, "I never said that! He's not telling it right!"


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    I went out running awhile ago. But I barely got out the door when I had to turn back because I'd forgotten something.

    I'd forgotten I'm fat, out of shape and can't run for more than about 30 seconds.


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    What a difference a Dove© makes!




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    I submitted ten puns to a pun contest in the hopes I'd win.

    No pun in ten did.


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    My wife has the patience of a saint. And the looks of a Saint Bernard.


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    Watching Hollywood actors pretending they didn't know about Harvey Weinstein's conduct is some of the best acting I've seen come out of that town in ages!

    But that's none of my business.


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    Last time I think I got hold of some feminine product or other. Had the boys whistling at me all day.




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    Abuse your kids. Then they won't be sad when you die.


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    At the school where I work the parents of a 7-year-old Muslim girl refused to consent for her to go on a school trip to St Patrick's cathedral.

    Thankfully her husband overruled them.


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    "After this you take your nap. Then you can dress up and go back to your Antifa play date."




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    "Why am I the fattest girl in my class?" asked the 11-year-old Pakistani girl.

    "Because you're 7 months pregnant," replied her husband.


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    If soap operas are supposed to be realistic and true to life, how come they never show anybody sitting in front of the TV watching one?


    _________________
    One of the most important reasons for studying history is that
    virtually every stupid idea that is in vogue today has been tried
    before and proved disastrous before, time and again.
    --  Thomas Sowell
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    Joencalif2

    Posts : 479
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 67
    Location : Riverside Ca

    Re: For the day that follows Hump Day

    Post  Joencalif2 on Thu Oct 12, 2017 11:54 am

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    Psycho144

    Posts : 594
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 77

    Re: For the day that follows Hump Day

    Post  Psycho144 on Fri Oct 13, 2017 11:21 am

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      Current date/time is Tue Oct 17, 2017 4:18 am