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    Final episode for a couple of weeks

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    sinister_midget
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    Posts : 1977
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 64
    Location : Home

    Final episode for a couple of weeks

    Post  sinister_midget on Mon Sep 25, 2017 7:52 am

    I leave town tomorrow heading for NM, TX and OK. (Thank God she decided it was too much to head east in the same timeframe!) I might still post something. Or I might not. Anyway, you'll have to read these jokes several times to get the same effect.

    And by "same effect" I mean they'll probably be exactly as fresh, exciting and funny the eleventh time as they were the first.

    =================================================================

    I was with my friend in a club. His girlfriend was dancing on the table in front of us.

    "Good legs," I said to him.

    "Do you really think so?" he asked

    "Absolutely. Most other tables would've collapsed under the weight."

    ----------

    A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman who was out shopping.

    "I haven't eaten in four days," he told her.

    She looked at him and said, "God I wish I had your willpower!"

    ----------

    A new study shows married women are more fulfilled with their lives than single women.

    Or vice versa, depending on their mood.

    ----------

    This salad tastes like I'd rather be fat.

    ----------

    A Muslim walks into a bar and orders shots for everybody.

    ----------

    Whenever my wife says we need to talk, I say we should have sex and then talk.

    Checkmate!

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    Somebody found Hillary's old yearbook photo.



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    I asked my Muslim neighbor, "What does 'Allahu Akbar' actually mean?"

    "It has two meanings," he said. "The first one is 'God is great'."

    "Ah," I said. "What's the second?"

    "Run like hell!" he said.

    ----------

    Life is about changing perspectives and priorities.

    I used to worry if one hair was out of place. Now I don't care even if both of them are.

    ----------

    I just started reading Stephen King's new book about a cult of murderous vegetarian kids: 'The Children of the Koran.'

    ----------

    My wife found this right by the toilet in the ladies room at our church.



    I'm sure it won't tell anybody what it sees.

    ----------

    Be warned. Never let a Muslim get your goat!

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    I just created a new word: Plagiarism.

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    Most women would rather have beauty over brains. That's because most men can see better than they can think.

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    I just learned something today. Men, if your wife ever says to you "If anything happens to me I want you to meet someone new," be aware that "anything" doesn't include being stuck in traffic.

    ----------

    For the first time ever, my wife apologized to me! I was speechless!

    She said she's sorry she ever married me.

    ----------

    I just bought an answering machine. Now I just need to think of something to ask it.

    ----------

    The benefits of joining ISIS:

    ✅ a new identity
    ✅ intense religious indoctrination
    ✅ a virgin bride to marry

    Oh, sorry....that's Scientology


    _________________
    One of the most important reasons for studying history is that
    virtually every stupid idea that is in vogue today has been tried
    before and proved disastrous before, time and again.
    --  Thomas Sowell
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    Joencalif2

    Posts : 479
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 67
    Location : Riverside Ca

    Re: Final episode for a couple of weeks

    Post  Joencalif2 on Mon Sep 25, 2017 12:07 pm

    Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy  Have a good time...
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    Psycho144

    Posts : 594
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 77

    Re: Final episode for a couple of weeks

    Post  Psycho144 on Mon Sep 25, 2017 2:28 pm

    "ENJOY"
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    Ladyelaine

    Posts : 350
    Join date : 2016-08-27
    Location : Suwannee Springs, Florida

    Re: Final episode for a couple of weeks

    Post  Ladyelaine on Mon Sep 25, 2017 2:59 pm

    Be careful & cautious but enjoy your travels.  Smile
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    JJRobinson

    Posts : 534
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 70
    Location : Texas

    Re: Final episode for a couple of weeks

    Post  JJRobinson on Tue Sep 26, 2017 7:26 am

    Very Happy

      Current date/time is Tue Oct 17, 2017 4:18 am