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    Final episode for a couple of weeks

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    sinister_midget
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    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 65
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    Final episode for a couple of weeks

    Post  sinister_midget on Mon Sep 25, 2017 7:52 am

    I leave town tomorrow heading for NM, TX and OK. (Thank God she decided it was too much to head east in the same timeframe!) I might still post something. Or I might not. Anyway, you'll have to read these jokes several times to get the same effect.

    And by "same effect" I mean they'll probably be exactly as fresh, exciting and funny the eleventh time as they were the first.

    =================================================================

    I was with my friend in a club. His girlfriend was dancing on the table in front of us.

    "Good legs," I said to him.

    "Do you really think so?" he asked

    "Absolutely. Most other tables would've collapsed under the weight."

    ----------

    A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman who was out shopping.

    "I haven't eaten in four days," he told her.

    She looked at him and said, "God I wish I had your willpower!"

    ----------

    A new study shows married women are more fulfilled with their lives than single women.

    Or vice versa, depending on their mood.

    ----------

    This salad tastes like I'd rather be fat.

    ----------

    A Muslim walks into a bar and orders shots for everybody.

    ----------

    Whenever my wife says we need to talk, I say we should have sex and then talk.

    Checkmate!

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    Somebody found Hillary's old yearbook photo.



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    I asked my Muslim neighbor, "What does 'Allahu Akbar' actually mean?"

    "It has two meanings," he said. "The first one is 'God is great'."

    "Ah," I said. "What's the second?"

    "Run like hell!" he said.

    ----------

    Life is about changing perspectives and priorities.

    I used to worry if one hair was out of place. Now I don't care even if both of them are.

    ----------

    I just started reading Stephen King's new book about a cult of murderous vegetarian kids: 'The Children of the Koran.'

    ----------

    My wife found this right by the toilet in the ladies room at our church.



    I'm sure it won't tell anybody what it sees.

    ----------

    Be warned. Never let a Muslim get your goat!

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    I just created a new word: Plagiarism.

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    Most women would rather have beauty over brains. That's because most men can see better than they can think.

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    I just learned something today. Men, if your wife ever says to you "If anything happens to me I want you to meet someone new," be aware that "anything" doesn't include being stuck in traffic.

    ----------

    For the first time ever, my wife apologized to me! I was speechless!

    She said she's sorry she ever married me.

    ----------

    I just bought an answering machine. Now I just need to think of something to ask it.

    ----------

    The benefits of joining ISIS:

    ✅ a new identity
    ✅ intense religious indoctrination
    ✅ a virgin bride to marry

    Oh, sorry....that's Scientology


    _________________
    The American Dream is to be Donald Trump.
    -- Barack Hussein Obama

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    Re: Final episode for a couple of weeks

    Post  Guest on Mon Sep 25, 2017 12:07 pm

    Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy  Have a good time...
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    Psycho144

    Posts : 773
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 78

    Re: Final episode for a couple of weeks

    Post  Psycho144 on Mon Sep 25, 2017 2:28 pm

    "ENJOY"
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    Ladyelaine

    Posts : 537
    Join date : 2016-08-27
    Location : Suwannee Springs, Florida

    Re: Final episode for a couple of weeks

    Post  Ladyelaine on Mon Sep 25, 2017 2:59 pm

    Be careful & cautious but enjoy your travels.  Smile
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    JJRobinson

    Posts : 668
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 71
    Location : Texas

    Re: Final episode for a couple of weeks

    Post  JJRobinson on Tue Sep 26, 2017 7:26 am

    Very Happy

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