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    Stranger than strange stuff

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    sinister_midget
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    Posts : 1872
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 64
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    Stranger than strange stuff

    Post  sinister_midget on Fri Sep 08, 2017 2:23 pm

    My bucket list:

    1) beer
    2) ice

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    Have a Snickers!



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    When you go to court, you're putting your fate into the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

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    The Mars rover, Curiosity, found no signs of beer, porn or football. Which destroys the theory that men are from Mars.

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    A guy walked into a bar.

    You'd think he would've seen it.

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    Maybe all she wanted all along was somebody who could help her with her spelling and grammar.



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    Serena Williams had a baby? I wonder how many beers it took for THAT to happen?

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    My band has had 27 gigs and not one person has come to see us 

    If you see us advertising in your local bar, pop in. We're called Private Function

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    I thought I was going to have gay sex for the first time last night.

    But the jury found me not guilty.

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    I'm surprised the guy didn't cover his wife's eyes!



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    Sharknado's big sister.



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    With the hurricane about to slam into Florida, one hopes they've had enough time to dig up and evacuate all of the Democrat voters in Broward county so they'll be available for the next election.

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    I may not be the most prosperous, compassionate or conscientious person in the world. But at least I know long words.

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    My goal in life is to piss off at least one person a day. 

    So far I am 5 years 7 months and 27 days ahead of schedule.

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    A woke voter.



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    I asked my wife to get me a beer.

    She got me a beer.

    Wonder what she's up to....

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    I tried date rape drugs a couple of times and found out they're useless.

    Both times I took two, went into a bar and not a single person laid a hand on me.

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    Sounds better than the poison I've been using.



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    A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the best lawyer.

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    How does a man plan for the future?

    He buys TWO cases of beer.

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    Out of respect for other cultures, Bernie greets Princess Lying Cow in her native language.



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    How do Muslims punish children?

    They marry them.

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    Polaroids.

    What Eskimos get after sitting on ice too long.

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    This is known as consistency.



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    Amazon has Hillary's book, What Happened, available as a pre-release purchase.

    They say "Customers who bought this book also bought rope and a stool."

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    Thank God I don't have to hunt for my food!

    I don't even know where tacos live!

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    Wouldn't it have been shorter and easier to follow if she/he/zym/zyr/buns/bunself/zy had just said that they/them/we/us/nobody/her/him/ze identifies as a sperm whale?



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    I had my portrait done by a professional artist last week.

    In chalk. In front of a jury.


    _________________
    One of the most important reasons for studying history is that
    virtually every stupid idea that is in vogue today has been tried
    before and proved disastrous before, time and again.
    --  Thomas Sowell
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    Psycho144

    Posts : 575
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 77

    Re: Stranger than strange stuff

    Post  Psycho144 on Fri Sep 08, 2017 4:21 pm

    Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

      Current date/time is Thu Sep 21, 2017 2:32 pm