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    Time for an illegal hurricane Jose edition

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    sinister_midget
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    Posts : 2167
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 64
    Location : Home

    Time for an illegal hurricane Jose edition

    Post  sinister_midget on Thu Sep 07, 2017 12:00 pm

    My wife found out I was cheating when she found the letters I was hiding.

    She swears she'll never play Scrabble with me again.

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    Bet you never knew this is what you're pets do when they get together!



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    Jesus may have walked on water, but Stephen Hawking runs on batteries.

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    How come hurricanes only have two genders?

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    No matter how nice it is, never, ever compliment a woman's moustache.

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    Who said Kathy Griffin would never work again?



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    My wife asked, "Are you even listening to me?"

    What an odd way to start a conversation.

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    Why do drivers ed classes in redneck schools only use the car on Monday, Wednesday and Friday?

    On Tuesday and Thursday it's used for sex ed class.

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    I just came up with a new perfume made of holy water: Eau My God.

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    Uh oh, they're onto us!



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    I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other.

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    Look what my food is doing to yours!



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    I had dinner once with the world chess champion.

    It took him 8 minutes to pass the salt.

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    To help working mothers in China, a company is providing "breast milk couriers" as a service.

    The courier takes the milk from the factory where the mother is employed and delivers it to the factory where the baby works.

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    I got so drunk last night that I don't know if I found some keys or lost a car.

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    Graduation day at Liberal Training camp.



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    If Kim Jong-un wants to test an H-bomb tipped missile against the west and help with the war on ISIS as well, I can give him the coordinates to Dearborn.

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    I went to a new doctor the other day. I told him I've suffered from kleptomania for years and nothing seemed to help.

    "Are you taking anything now?" he asked.

    "Yes," I said. "Your wallet."

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    I saw they want to raise the drinking age in West Virginia to 32. Something about keeping alcohol out of high schools.

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    After Harvey finally cleared out of Texas, a reporter asked a lady how many churches had their doors open to people during the storm. The lady replied that she had no idea because she eats at Popeye's.

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    For 8 years if I disagreed with the president I was racist.

    Now if I agree with the president I'm racist.

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    I don't remember what I'm supposed to do!

    My wife's face is drooping on one side, she can't raise her arms, her speech is slurred!

    Wait, I just remembered. Divorce her!

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    Why doesn't the word "pedophile" mean "lover of feet"?

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    The trials and tribulations of being anti-fascist!



    Last edited by sinister_midget on Thu Sep 07, 2017 3:58 pm; edited 1 time in total


    _________________
    One of the most important reasons for studying history is that
    virtually every stupid idea that is in vogue today has been tried
    before and proved disastrous before, time and again.
    --  Thomas Sowell
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    Joencalif2

    Posts : 502
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 67
    Location : Riverside Ca

    Re: Time for an illegal hurricane Jose edition

    Post  Joencalif2 on Thu Sep 07, 2017 3:27 pm

    Very Happy
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    Psycho144

    Posts : 624
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 77

    Re: Time for an illegal hurricane Jose edition

    Post  Psycho144 on Thu Sep 07, 2017 8:34 pm

    Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

      Current date/time is Fri Nov 17, 2017 2:55 pm