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    Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand another day is upon us

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    sinister_midget
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    Posts : 2215
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 64
    Location : Home

    Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand another day is upon us

    Post  sinister_midget on Tue Sep 05, 2017 2:38 pm

    I learned my lesson today. Never again when I walk in the house and see my wife crying will I ask her, "Is it because of your new haircut?"

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    It won't be too much longer until Christmas gets here. Just remember to tell everybody you love to be careful.





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    I hate it when women turn the lights off before sex.

    That makes it hard to see them through the window.

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    I tapped into a source of superhuman strength I never thought possible when my wife was trapped inside the burning wreck of our car.

    But I did it! I single-handedly fought off three firefighters.

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    After performing an ultrasound, the doctor tells the expectant mother, "I have some good news and some bad news."

    "The good news is your child will never have a problem finding a parking spot.

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    I was playing chess with a friend when he said, "Let's make this interesting."

    So we stopped playing chess.

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    My wife asked, "What would you do if you lost someone you loved? What would you do it I died?"

    "Hold on!" I said. "One question at a time!"

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    They say there's a stairway to heaven and a highway to hell,

    Just goes to show the expected level of traffic.

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    Is it the 's' or the 'c' that's silent in the word scent?

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    I'm glad I found out about this problem in advance. I have to make sure to use the toilet before I go.





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    Sometimes I forget how amazing my memory is!

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    When I was a kid, there was no internet. In fact not everybody had phones in the little town I was from, either. So people sometimes had to walk miles to call me names.

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    Because Melania wears clothes that are embarrassing to women!





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    North Korea's successful nuclear tests have left us no options but to send Maxine Waters to the DPRK to impeach fat boy Little Kim.

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    When the Hulk goes off into a vicious rage and destroys everything, he's "incredible."

    When I do it, I'm "an alcoholic."

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    I finally figured out how to write some really great jokes.

    Copy-and-paste.

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    Looks like they dug it up just in time!





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    My grandmother's last words before she kicked the bucket were, "Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

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    A Russian delicacy.





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    I was punched in the throat when I walked past a protest the other day.

    I went to the doctor and he told me my voice box is damaged, that I may never speak again.

    I can't tell you how upset that made me!

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    If the US really did have little people from outer space, wouldn't Area 51 be a dumb place to keep them? I mean, everybody pretty much knows about it now!

    Or was this a Joe Biden decision?

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    Now the finger-pointing begins!





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    I recently lost my wife.

    One heckuva card game it was, too!

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    When I was a teenager my mom always used to say that my room was so messy I'd never get any self-respecting girl to go in there.

    Luckily those weren't the girls I was after.

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    Democrat mayors and governors do SOME things right.





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    If electricity always follows the path of least resistance, why don't all of lightning strikes happen in France.

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    It was love at first sight for my father when he met my mother.

    It took my mother a wee bit longer to fall in love with him, though.

    Several years in a dark basement to be precise.

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    That's a hate crime! Worse than having an unapproved opinion!




    _________________
    One of the most important reasons for studying history is that
    virtually every stupid idea that is in vogue today has been tried
    before and proved disastrous before, time and again.
    --  Thomas Sowell
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    Psycho144

    Posts : 627
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 77

    Re: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand another day is upon us

    Post  Psycho144 on Tue Sep 05, 2017 2:46 pm

    Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy
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    Joencalif2

    Posts : 505
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 67
    Location : Riverside Ca

    Re: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand another day is upon us

    Post  Joencalif2 on Tue Sep 05, 2017 3:21 pm

    Very Happy

      Current date/time is Wed Nov 22, 2017 3:09 am