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    Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand another day is upon us

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    sinister_midget
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    Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand another day is upon us

    Post  sinister_midget on Tue Sep 05, 2017 2:38 pm

    I learned my lesson today. Never again when I walk in the house and see my wife crying will I ask her, "Is it because of your new haircut?"

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    It won't be too much longer until Christmas gets here. Just remember to tell everybody you love to be careful.





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    I hate it when women turn the lights off before sex.

    That makes it hard to see them through the window.

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    I tapped into a source of superhuman strength I never thought possible when my wife was trapped inside the burning wreck of our car.

    But I did it! I single-handedly fought off three firefighters.

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    After performing an ultrasound, the doctor tells the expectant mother, "I have some good news and some bad news."

    "The good news is your child will never have a problem finding a parking spot.

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    I was playing chess with a friend when he said, "Let's make this interesting."

    So we stopped playing chess.

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    My wife asked, "What would you do if you lost someone you loved? What would you do it I died?"

    "Hold on!" I said. "One question at a time!"

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    They say there's a stairway to heaven and a highway to hell,

    Just goes to show the expected level of traffic.

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    Is it the 's' or the 'c' that's silent in the word scent?

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    I'm glad I found out about this problem in advance. I have to make sure to use the toilet before I go.





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    Sometimes I forget how amazing my memory is!

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    When I was a kid, there was no internet. In fact not everybody had phones in the little town I was from, either. So people sometimes had to walk miles to call me names.

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    Because Melania wears clothes that are embarrassing to women!





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    North Korea's successful nuclear tests have left us no options but to send Maxine Waters to the DPRK to impeach fat boy Little Kim.

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    When the Hulk goes off into a vicious rage and destroys everything, he's "incredible."

    When I do it, I'm "an alcoholic."

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    I finally figured out how to write some really great jokes.

    Copy-and-paste.

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    Looks like they dug it up just in time!





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    My grandmother's last words before she kicked the bucket were, "Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

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    A Russian delicacy.





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    I was punched in the throat when I walked past a protest the other day.

    I went to the doctor and he told me my voice box is damaged, that I may never speak again.

    I can't tell you how upset that made me!

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    If the US really did have little people from outer space, wouldn't Area 51 be a dumb place to keep them? I mean, everybody pretty much knows about it now!

    Or was this a Joe Biden decision?

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    Now the finger-pointing begins!





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    I recently lost my wife.

    One heckuva card game it was, too!

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    When I was a teenager my mom always used to say that my room was so messy I'd never get any self-respecting girl to go in there.

    Luckily those weren't the girls I was after.

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    Democrat mayors and governors do SOME things right.





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    If electricity always follows the path of least resistance, why don't all of lightning strikes happen in France.

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    It was love at first sight for my father when he met my mother.

    It took my mother a wee bit longer to fall in love with him, though.

    Several years in a dark basement to be precise.

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    That's a hate crime! Worse than having an unapproved opinion!




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    Psycho144

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    Age : 78

    Re: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand another day is upon us

    Post  Psycho144 on Tue Sep 05, 2017 2:46 pm

    Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

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    Re: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand another day is upon us

    Post  Guest on Tue Sep 05, 2017 3:21 pm

    Very Happy

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