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    You think THAT'S bad!

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    sinister_midget
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    Posts : 1872
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 64
    Location : Home

    You think THAT'S bad!

    Post  sinister_midget on Sun Sep 03, 2017 10:59 am

    Some things Texans won't touch even when a hurricane is about to hit.

    Tofu, for example.



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    What do you get after you win a religious argument with a Muslim?

    Death threats.

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    Wow! Practically married!



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    I was going to tell an NSA joke. But they probably already heard them all.

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    Jokes aside, you really do have to hand it to ethnic minorities in Chicago. Unless you want them to shoot you.

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    How about that. I've been using the wrong lyrics all this time.



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    So much has changed since my girlfriend told me we're having a baby. For instance, my name, address and phone number.

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    I've spent the last five years searching for my ex-wife's killer.

    There must be somebody out there who will do it.

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    About what I'd expect.



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    I gotta stop drinking!

    If my liver gets any more black and bloated it's going to be adopted by Angelina Jolie!

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    I never could figure out what people meant when they said my Muslim neighbor was known around town for his piercing gaze.

    Now I finally get it! He stabs homosexuals.

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    Things are starting to get serious with ANTIFA!



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    My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called 'Road-Kill Recipes'.

    I did find some road-kill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe. It was delicious!

    One thing, though. It didn't tell me what to do with the bicycle.

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    I was so surprised!! I said yes, of course!



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    This vodka tastes a lot like I'm going to work tomorrow.

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    I never sleep in any more I'm so excited!



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    This guy came up to me at the bus stop and asked me if I knew how long the next bus would be.

    I said, "Not sure. About 40 feet, I think."

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    My dad was a WWII vet. In just one day he destroyed 8 German aircraft, killing 32 Nazi aviators.

    Easily the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had!

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    Prescience!



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    I like to finish other people's sentences because my version is better.

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    What SPF number blocks people?

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    I think I'll cancel my subscription if they can't get it on the porch.



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    "Oh nuthin. Just standin' here thinkin' about life, watchin' the ol' condom explodin' machine. What're you doin'?"



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    Perfect for those cold nights. Alone. Because everybody left when you bought one of these.



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    I had a dream.....



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    New for 2018: A method for relieving back pain.

    By 2020 it will be the only method covered by the Affordable Care Act under a bill recently passed by the House and Senate.



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    I met an overweight girl the other night. She looked me in the eye and said, "Hi, I'm Anita."

    I took at look at her stomach and said, "You certainly are."

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    I feel sorry for people who never drink. They'll never fully appreciate the coolness and comfort of their bathroom floor.

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    Awwwwww that's so sweet! He took time out from comforting and assisting hurricane victims to comfort and assist criminals, too!



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    Never buy crystal meth from a guy with a full set of teeth. He's obviously a cop.

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    Funny how drinking 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible but 8 beers and 6 shots go down like a fat kid on a seesaw.

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    And Trump took news to the people who are currently without any access to the outside world.



    _________________
    One of the most important reasons for studying history is that
    virtually every stupid idea that is in vogue today has been tried
    before and proved disastrous before, time and again.
    --  Thomas Sowell
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    Joencalif2

    Posts : 469
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 67
    Location : Riverside Ca

    Re: You think THAT'S bad!

    Post  Joencalif2 on Sun Sep 03, 2017 11:32 am

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    Psycho144

    Posts : 575
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 77

    Re: You think THAT'S bad!

    Post  Psycho144 on Sun Sep 03, 2017 2:27 pm

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      Current date/time is Thu Sep 21, 2017 2:30 pm