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    You think THAT'S bad!

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    sinister_midget
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    You think THAT'S bad!

    Post  sinister_midget on Sun Sep 03, 2017 10:59 am

    Some things Texans won't touch even when a hurricane is about to hit.

    Tofu, for example.



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    What do you get after you win a religious argument with a Muslim?

    Death threats.

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    Wow! Practically married!



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    I was going to tell an NSA joke. But they probably already heard them all.

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    Jokes aside, you really do have to hand it to ethnic minorities in Chicago. Unless you want them to shoot you.

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    How about that. I've been using the wrong lyrics all this time.



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    So much has changed since my girlfriend told me we're having a baby. For instance, my name, address and phone number.

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    I've spent the last five years searching for my ex-wife's killer.

    There must be somebody out there who will do it.

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    About what I'd expect.



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    I gotta stop drinking!

    If my liver gets any more black and bloated it's going to be adopted by Angelina Jolie!

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    I never could figure out what people meant when they said my Muslim neighbor was known around town for his piercing gaze.

    Now I finally get it! He stabs homosexuals.

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    Things are starting to get serious with ANTIFA!



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    My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called 'Road-Kill Recipes'.

    I did find some road-kill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe. It was delicious!

    One thing, though. It didn't tell me what to do with the bicycle.

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    I was so surprised!! I said yes, of course!



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    This vodka tastes a lot like I'm going to work tomorrow.

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    I never sleep in any more I'm so excited!



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    This guy came up to me at the bus stop and asked me if I knew how long the next bus would be.

    I said, "Not sure. About 40 feet, I think."

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    My dad was a WWII vet. In just one day he destroyed 8 German aircraft, killing 32 Nazi aviators.

    Easily the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had!

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    Prescience!



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    I like to finish other people's sentences because my version is better.

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    What SPF number blocks people?

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    I think I'll cancel my subscription if they can't get it on the porch.



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    "Oh nuthin. Just standin' here thinkin' about life, watchin' the ol' condom explodin' machine. What're you doin'?"



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    Perfect for those cold nights. Alone. Because everybody left when you bought one of these.



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    I had a dream.....



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    New for 2018: A method for relieving back pain.

    By 2020 it will be the only method covered by the Affordable Care Act under a bill recently passed by the House and Senate.



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    I met an overweight girl the other night. She looked me in the eye and said, "Hi, I'm Anita."

    I took at look at her stomach and said, "You certainly are."

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    I feel sorry for people who never drink. They'll never fully appreciate the coolness and comfort of their bathroom floor.

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    Awwwwww that's so sweet! He took time out from comforting and assisting hurricane victims to comfort and assist criminals, too!



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    Never buy crystal meth from a guy with a full set of teeth. He's obviously a cop.

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    Funny how drinking 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible but 8 beers and 6 shots go down like a fat kid on a seesaw.

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    And Trump took news to the people who are currently without any access to the outside world.



    _________________
    The American Dream is to be Donald Trump.
    -- Barack Hussein Obama

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    Re: You think THAT'S bad!

    Post  Guest on Sun Sep 03, 2017 11:32 am

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    Psycho144

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    Re: You think THAT'S bad!

    Post  Psycho144 on Sun Sep 03, 2017 2:27 pm

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