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    Just like any other day

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    sinister_midget
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    Posts : 1872
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 64
    Location : Home

    Just like any other day

    Post  sinister_midget on Sun Aug 27, 2017 8:59 pm

    I was waiting outside the doctor's office with my wife after her exam.


    The doctor came out and said, "It looks like you're pregnant."


    The wife asked, surprised, "I'm pregnant?"


    The doc said, "No. But it looks like you are."


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    A friend was complaining that the factory he works in is full of immigrants.


    I offered, "Makes you wish you'd paid attention in school, huh?"


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    What did the Muslim man say to his wife on their wedding day?


    "I'm so happy that today you were able to get the day off from school!"


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    How to tell if your wife is mad at you.


    Step 1: She is


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    Never take a knife to a gunfight.


    Well, it's good enough if you're fighting the French.


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    What's better than winning the gold at the Paraplegic Olympics?


    Having two legs.


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    I was accused by a fellow worker of being Islamophobic.


    I told him, "You're an idiot. A 'phobia' is an irrational fear."


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    My dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer last month.


    But all of my Facebook friends changed their statuses for an hour, so he's expected to make a full recovery.


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    I went in for a routine exam Friday. Everything was fine, but for some reason he stuck two fingers up my butt.


    I think it's time to change dentists.


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    I took a walk through the park this morning and there was an old guy feeding the birds.


    I thought to myself, "I wonder how long he's been dead."


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    My wife asked me if I can remember ever answering a question that I later regretted.


    I said, "I do."


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    I bought a leather sofa off of the Ikea website last week. It arrived yesterday.


    They sent me a dead cow with instructions for how to skin it.


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    I went to a new Asian restaurant down the street a couple of days back. The menu had many different kinds of food on it.


    "Can I have a clean one?" I asked.


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    The smoking gun!





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    I was at a bus stop this morning and some jerk stole my backpack while I turned away for just a second.


    Bigot! Bet they'd never do that to a Muslim!


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    I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday. She said nothing would make her happier than a pair of diamond earrings.


    So to please her I got her nothing.


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    Are orphans allowed to watch PG movies?


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    A cop pulled me over. He came to the window and said, "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car a mile back?"


    I said, "Thank God! I thought I was going deaf!"


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    If pigs could fly I bet their wings would taste delicious.


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    I broke my own personal record for the 100-yard dash!


    I'm now up to 57 yards before I collapse.


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    Most weekends I enjoy helping blind people.


    Verb, not adjective.


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    I KNEW there was a name for my condition!


    What I have


    _________________
    One of the most important reasons for studying history is that
    virtually every stupid idea that is in vogue today has been tried
    before and proved disastrous before, time and again.
    --  Thomas Sowell
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    Ladyelaine

    Posts : 339
    Join date : 2016-08-27
    Location : Suwannee Springs, Florida

    Re: Just like any other day

    Post  Ladyelaine on Mon Aug 28, 2017 8:26 am

    There will be a drug out shortly for WIH.  Laughing
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    sinister_midget
    Admin

    Posts : 1872
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 64
    Location : Home

    Re: Just like any other day

    Post  sinister_midget on Mon Aug 28, 2017 8:39 am

    The fact that something like that is real reminds me that there are already a lot of different drugs!


    _________________
    One of the most important reasons for studying history is that
    virtually every stupid idea that is in vogue today has been tried
    before and proved disastrous before, time and again.
    --  Thomas Sowell
    avatar
    Ladyelaine

    Posts : 339
    Join date : 2016-08-27
    Location : Suwannee Springs, Florida

    Re: Just like any other day

    Post  Ladyelaine on Mon Aug 28, 2017 10:49 am

    Well, a goose did once chase and attack my sister's Corvette. Wink
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    Psycho144

    Posts : 575
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 77

    Re: Just like any other day

    Post  Psycho144 on Mon Aug 28, 2017 12:13 pm

    Geese are great watch dogs and they will bite the dickens out of ye !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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    Joencalif2

    Posts : 469
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 67
    Location : Riverside Ca

    Re: Just like any other day

    Post  Joencalif2 on Mon Aug 28, 2017 1:59 pm

    Talk about a great golf shot....kudos Mr Prez!

      Current date/time is Thu Sep 21, 2017 2:37 pm