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    It's not Friday, and it's not the 13th

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    sinister_midget
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    Posts : 1872
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 64
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    It's not Friday, and it's not the 13th

    Post  sinister_midget on Thu Aug 24, 2017 5:06 pm

    I was bullied in school for my appearance. Every time I made one.

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    For those who missed it due to bad weather, working, or just weren't in line to view the event, here's what the totaled Eclipse looked like:



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    I spent good money on a waffle iron and they STILL come out wrinkled!

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    The school called today and said, "Your son has been telling us lies."

    I told them, "Must be good ones. I ain't got any kids."

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    Dwarfism: It's a growing problem.

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    Now in the Fourth Edition



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    There was a time when, if you said a man was abroad, you meant he was overseas.

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    The article I found accompanying this said they surveyed 247,000 Venezuelans.



    Bernie Sanders was there that day. He said "Yes."

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    The wife was mad at me earlier and smashed me in the face with a bottle of Omega 3 tablets.

    Injuries weren't bad. Mostly super fish oil.

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    I saw two grade school kids having a fight this morning. As an adult I stepped in.

    Neither of them stood a chance.

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    I launched a one man counter demonstration in the kitchen today.

    Decided to finally stand up to my wife supremacist!

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    NEWSWEEK: Is your baby racist?

    Well I certainly hope so after all of the work I put in!

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    Democrats reliving their youth vicariously through their children.



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    Facebook's only purpose is to let me know some girl I don't konw, never cared about or can't recall just turned 64.

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    Dear love of my life,



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    What's the difference between a group of Syrian school girls and a group of ISIS soldiers?

    Don't ask me I just fly the drone.

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    A lamb follows Mary to school and they write a nursery rhyme.

    But when I follow her.....

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    I'm guessing the Chinese don't like buffaloes. And they seem to really despise potatoes!



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    I'm getting fed up with the hypocrisy!

    Doctors give kids drugs they're heroes. But when I do it.....

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    I always wondered how long forever is. Looking at Facebook I've figured out it's 2 to 4 weeks.

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    My daughter has Bieber Fever. I believe the medical name for it is Down's Syndrome.

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    How long will BLM and ANTIFA let this stand??



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    I heard they're going to pass death penalty laws for terrorists soon.

    I bet those suicide bombers are messing their britches right now.

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    I walked past a guy with a sign that said, "Someday this may be you."

    So I put the $5 back in my packet in case he's right.

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    As a person of Irish descent it's difficult for me to figure out if I'm alcoholic or patriotic.

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    My flat-chested wife and I went to see a marriage counselor. He asked us what the problem was.

    I said, "Dolly Parton here thinks I'm too sarcastic."

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    My therapist set half a glass of water in front of me and asked if I'm an optimist or a pessimst.

    I drank the water and told him I'm a problem solver.

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    When you have a winning strategy:





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    First woman on the moon:

    "Houston we have a problem."
    What?
    "Nevermind."
    What is the problem?
    "Nothing."
    Please tell us what's wrong.
    "You know what the problem is!"

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    "i before e"

    Except when your foreign neighbor Keith receives eight counterfeit beige sleighs from feisty caffeinated weightlifters.

    WEIRD.


    _________________
    One of the most important reasons for studying history is that
    virtually every stupid idea that is in vogue today has been tried
    before and proved disastrous before, time and again.
    --  Thomas Sowell

      Current date/time is Thu Sep 21, 2017 2:33 pm