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    Here we go again!

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    sinister_midget
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    Posts : 1656
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 64
    Location : Home

    Here we go again!

    Post  sinister_midget on Sun Aug 06, 2017 12:30 pm

    I could never live in Sweden. I can't speak Arabic.

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    A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing.

    The other guy whips out his cell, calls emergency services. Operator in a soothing voice says, "Calm down. Let's make sure he is dead".



    Shot heard. The friend says, "Okay now what?"

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    I think it's a modified base13. Too many for decimal, too few for hexidecimal.



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    I used to have a girlfriend who suffered from depression and suicidal thoughts. Now I don't.

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    What's it called when a hooker passes gas?

    A prosti-toot.

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    My friends say one of the people we hang out with is gay.

    I bet it's Todd. He cute!

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    They have feelings too!!



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    Danish scientists have discovered a cure for depression. It's called "cheering up."

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    The symptoms of clinical depression include: laziness, weight gain, meaningless sex and loss of interest in activities

    Isn't that every man?

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    Why is it that one careless match can set a whole forest on fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

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    What's Forest Gump's favorite password?

    1forest1

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    Absolutely! And every drink makes me smarter, funnier and better looking!



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    Quiz: Which item does not belong to the group: computer, airplane, Palestinian people, locomotive, laser, penicillin, television.

    Wrong answer: Palestinian people.

    Correct answer: Locomotive. It was invented in the 19th century, all others were invented in the 20th.

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    They're gettin' better!



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    When my girlfriend dumped me, my mom said, "Don't worry, there are plenty of fish in the sea."

    Yeah, mom. And quite a few whales, too.

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    And now, Poet's Corner.



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    Hillary called the White House in the middle of the night. She insisted she had to talk to Trump right away and wasn't taking "no" for an answer.

    POTUS got on the phone and asked, "What's so important that it can't wait until morning?"

    She said, "Supreme Court justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg just died. Suicide with a gun to the back of her head, or heart failure or something. I'd very much like to take her place!"

    Trump was quiet for a moment, then said, "Well, if it's OK with the funeral director it's OK with me."

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    Don't be alarmed. But at least 6 women have described me as terrifying!

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    Let's play 'Guess the Gender'



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    A Muslim's favorite shampoo: Behead and shoulders.

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    My yoga instructor told me I need to work on my breathing.

    I told her I'm 64. I think I already have it down.

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    My wife keeps griping that I never pay any attention or take any interest in her.

    Today I asked her if she's gaining weight and she went nuts!

    I can't win in this.

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    Amazon is having a sale!



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    Apparently when Jesus was born he weighed 6 pounds, 5 ounces.

    A weigh in the manger confirmed it.

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    Any time you're having trouble in a crowded area and need some personal space, just yell "Allahu akbar!"

    Always works for me.

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    Hmmmmm. Interesting resemblance.



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    I just found out I'm about to be a father again!

    I'm so excited! I hope I don't have to wait too long for the right time to tell the wife.

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    There was a lawsuit saying the original wasn't inclusive enough. So they made a new, similar series just for social justice warriors, ANTIFA and feminists.



    _________________
    Malo periculosam, libertatem quam quietam servitutem.
    (I prefer dangerous freedom over peaceful slavery.)
    -- Thomas Jefferson
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    Psycho144

    Posts : 536
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 77

    Re: Here we go again!

    Post  Psycho144 on Sun Aug 06, 2017 2:35 pm

    Very Happy cheers Very Happy cheers
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    Joencalif2

    Posts : 434
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 67
    Location : Riverside Ca

    Re: Here we go again!

    Post  Joencalif2 on Sun Aug 06, 2017 4:39 pm

    Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy
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    JJRobinson

    Posts : 486
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 70
    Location : Texas

    Re: Here we go again!

    Post  JJRobinson on Mon Aug 07, 2017 6:32 am

    Laughing

      Current date/time is Tue Aug 22, 2017 5:44 pm