New Board

For refugees from MyWay and Tek Board II, and for anyone else wishing to participate.


    Thank God it's not Monday!

    Share
    avatar
    sinister_midget
    Admin

    Posts : 1627
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 64
    Location : Home

    Thank God it's not Monday!

    Post  sinister_midget on Sun Jul 30, 2017 12:02 pm

    After OJ had his parole board hearing, he consented to an interview with Really Honest To Goodness Real News CNN©.

    He was asked about his plans. He said he wasn't sure, but he was hoping to get back to a normal life.

    When the question came up of possibly getting married again, he said he'd consider taking another stab at it.

    ----------

    It's official!



    Now she just needs to write her suicide note. Hopefully on Clinton stationary.

    ----------

    "IV!"

    Roman golfer.

    ----------

    I told my wife she isn't fat. She's just easier to see.

    ----------

    I love how people say they're "expecting" a baby, as though it might be something else. Like a penguin, or a lawnmower.

    ----------

    How do you confuse a Muslim?

    Easy. Just give him a pig that looks like his girlfriend.



    ----------

    Look, I'm not saying black men are 6% of the population and commit 50% of the murders.

    But the FBI is saying that. And that's racist.

    ----------

    People don't get my puns. They think they're funny.

    ----------

    Why did the lesbian cross the road?

    She didn't. She was already on the other side.

    ----------

    It happens to us all from time to time!



    ----------

    Artificial intelligence is still no match for natural stupidity.

    ----------

    I know the answer isn't hiding at the bottom of a bottle. But it doesn't hurt to check in case they move it there.

    ----------

    Sure they've had a few bad weeks. Or months. Or years. Or decades. But Hollywood can still make blockbusters like nobody's business!



    ----------

    My roomate called me gay when I complained about cutting myself shaving.

    "Gay?" I asked, perplexed. "Have you seen the size of that cut on my leg?"

    ----------

    A man was walking along the beach and stumbled on a bottle. He lashed out and kicked it aside.

    Suddenly a genie popped out of the bottle. He said, "Even though you just kicked me, I'll still grant you three wishes. But because of the kicking, I'll grant double everything you wish for to the person you hate the most, your boss."

    The man said, "OK. For my first wish I want lots of money."

    Suddenly the man got a text from his bank saying $22 million had been deposited. His loathsome boss called him up to rub his nose in his new fortune. "Not sure how this happened, but I just found out $44 million was put in my bank. Don't you wish you were me?"

    The man then said, "You know, I've always wanted some expensive cars."

    Immediately after, his wife called and told him some people stopped by, dropped off some keys and said the cars were theirs. "They even handed me the titles and your name is on them! I looked outside and there was a new Porsche, a Lamborghini and a Ferrari sitting in the driveway!" His call waiting signaled, so he took the call. It was his boss. "Bet you wish you were me, huh? I don't know why, but I just had 6 expensive cars dropped off, and the titles are already in my name!"

    The genie warned, "You only have a single wish left. Choose wisely."

    The man thought for a minute, then said, "All my life I've always wanted to donate a kidney."


    _________________
    Malo periculosam, libertatem quam quietam servitutem.
    (I prefer dangerous freedom over peaceful slavery.)
    -- Thomas Jefferson
    avatar
    Psycho144

    Posts : 526
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 77

    Re: Thank God it's not Monday!

    Post  Psycho144 on Sun Jul 30, 2017 7:13 pm

    Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy
    avatar
    JJRobinson

    Posts : 480
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 70
    Location : Texas

    Re: Thank God it's not Monday!

    Post  JJRobinson on Mon Jul 31, 2017 6:48 am

    Laughing
    avatar
    Joencalif2

    Posts : 429
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 67
    Location : Riverside Ca

    Re: Thank God it's not Monday!

    Post  Joencalif2 on Mon Jul 31, 2017 11:52 am

    Very Happy Very Happy

      Current date/time is Wed Aug 16, 2017 4:36 pm