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    It could be worse. I could be CNN!

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    sinister_midget
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    Posts : 2188
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 64
    Location : Home

    It could be worse. I could be CNN!

    Post  sinister_midget on Fri Jul 07, 2017 10:53 pm

    Seems reasonable.


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    Why do women have to put a label on everything?

    Couldn't we just be two people spending some time together?

    Oh, no! I have to be her "stalker."

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    I was on the train this morning when I accidentally walked in on a girl using the bathroom. I apologized and quickly closed the door.

    "Would you get the hell out of here?" she asked.

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    I told my ex-wife I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help.

    So I hired a hitman.

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    No wonder ISIS is always so mad about everything!



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    If Bruce Jenner goes missing, will his picture be on a carton of Half and Half?

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    It's amazing how well couples really know each other!



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    My sister talks about sex online with people she doesn't know. She thinks.....

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    I had a vasectomy thinking my wife wouldn't get pregnant. But it looks like all it does is change the color of the baby.

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    Sometimes I go out and socialize with people. I call those times alibis.

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    Probably a good idea.



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    My wife is wearing one of those skirts where I can see her butt poking out. Which I'd probably find sexy if it wasn't knee-length.

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    I hate people who take everything literally. Like my ex-wife. She did take everything, literally.

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    My ex-wife sent me a text today. "Happy anniversary!"

    I sent back, "Best one I've had in years."

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    You can tell when you're officially old by falling down. If people laugh, you're still young. If they look scared and rush to help, you're old.

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    My relationship with my ex-wife was very psychological. She's psycho and I'm logical.

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    I need beer money. But I imagine I captured the neighbor's cat and turned it in for the reward too many times already.

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    If a boyband has 5 members, statistically one of them will possibly be straight.

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    How come when it's a human it's an abortion, but when it's a chicken it's an omelet?

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    I went to an antique fair this morning and picked up a vintage German microwave.

    It seats six.

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    "Alexa, turn on CNN. I want to hear the news."

    "Sorry. You'll have to pick one or the other."

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    "This is CNN"




    _________________
    One of the most important reasons for studying history is that
    virtually every stupid idea that is in vogue today has been tried
    before and proved disastrous before, time and again.
    --  Thomas Sowell
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    Psycho144

    Posts : 624
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 77

    Re: It could be worse. I could be CNN!

    Post  Psycho144 on Sat Jul 08, 2017 9:39 am

    Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy
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    Joencalif2

    Posts : 502
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 67
    Location : Riverside Ca

    Re: It could be worse. I could be CNN!

    Post  Joencalif2 on Sat Jul 08, 2017 10:57 am

    Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

      Current date/time is Sun Nov 19, 2017 8:02 pm