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    Happy 2 days before Independence Day!

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    sinister_midget
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    Posts : 1579
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 64
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    Happy 2 days before Independence Day!

    Post  sinister_midget on Sun Jul 02, 2017 12:13 am

    My wife asked, "Does this dress make me look fat?"

    "No, not at all," I replied.

    "Oh, good," she said. "As long as I don't look ridiculous."

    "What? Hang on," I said. "You didn't ask me that!"

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    My wife finally gave in last night and fulfilled my wildest fantasy!

    She left.

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    Somebody could probably make a Broadway play out of this.



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    I read Stephen Hawking may be getting a Nobel for discovering a way out of a black hole. The article caption read "Is there anything this guy cannot do?"

    Hell yes! HE CAN'T WALK!

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    If you go shopping at Walmart and nobody stares at you as you walk by, you're one of them.

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    Probably one of those consumer safety things government always requires companies to add.



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    US conservatives: Wonder Woman "not American enough" because her costume isn’t red, white and blue.

    And if she was really American, her costume would be size XXL.

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    So it turns out being an adult is mostly just Googling how to do stuff.

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    I hope to one day go and not see them for myself!



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    Why can't Stevie Wonder see his friends?

    Because he's married.

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    This is how it starts. Then one day you wake up and Charlton Heston is on the beach screaming at the Statue of Liberty.



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    With more and more self-driving vehicles coming out, it won't be long before there are country songs about how your truck left you.

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    Q: What do you call political correctness when it lacks basic logic and is just thinly-veiled discrimination and bigotry towards men and white people?

    A: Political correctness.

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    I bought my mother-in-law a chair for her 87th birthday. But my wife won't let me plug it in.

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    Sunblock SPF400.



    _________________
    Malo periculosam, libertatem quam quietam servitutem.
    (I prefer dangerous freedom over peaceful slavery.)
    -- Thomas Jefferson
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    Psycho144

    Posts : 501
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 77

    Re: Happy 2 days before Independence Day!

    Post  Psycho144 on Sun Jul 02, 2017 9:52 am

    Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

      Current date/time is Wed Jul 26, 2017 1:40 am