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    Here's to Memorial Day!


    Posts : 2215
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 64
    Location : Home

    Here's to Memorial Day!

    Post  sinister_midget on Sun May 28, 2017 4:51 pm

    A government survey found 91% of illegal aliens come to the US so they can see their own doctor.


    The song "Highway to Hell" is good on two counts. You can play it both at your wedding and your funeral.


    A guy I work with was accused of raping a girl with Tourette's.

    He said he's not guilty, that she was asking for it.


    Right. Now go clean your room!


    What's the difference between a vampire and a Muslim?

    Eventually the vampire will stop being bloodthirsty.


    They finally got the computer to finish crunching the numbers.


    My friend got mad at me playing Scrabble.

    "Spondulak?" she said, "How can that be a word?"

    "Of course it is!" I said.

    "I've never heard of it. I bet you can't use it in a sentence," she said.

    "Sure I can," I told her. "Here goes: I don't know what Spondulak means."



    In the middle of a really messy divorce, I decided suicide was the only answer.

    Hopefully I can talk her into it.


    Finally some good news came out of Manchester, England.

    There's one less Muslim to worry about.


    "Mommy, could you please make me a sandwich?"

    "Don't call me mommy just because I slept with your father."

    "OK. What am I supposed to call you?"

    "Steve, like everybody else."


    My doctor told me to start killing people.

    Well, not in those exact words. He said I need to reduce stress in my life. Same thing.


    At least the dreamer didn't invent a new gender!


    My wife hasn't said a word to me in 6 days.

    The best part is, she thinks it's punishment.


    Our marriage counselor said my wife and I should do chores together.

    I told  him everything we do together its a chore.

    One of the most important reasons for studying history is that
    virtually every stupid idea that is in vogue today has been tried
    before and proved disastrous before, time and again.
    --  Thomas Sowell

    Posts : 627
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 77

    Re: Here's to Memorial Day!

    Post  Psycho144 on Mon May 29, 2017 11:44 am

    Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

    Posts : 505
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 67
    Location : Riverside Ca

    Re: Here's to Memorial Day!

    Post  Joencalif2 on Mon May 29, 2017 12:24 pm

    Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

      Current date/time is Wed Nov 22, 2017 2:52 am