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    Here's to Memorial Day!

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    sinister_midget
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    Posts : 1579
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 64
    Location : Home

    Here's to Memorial Day!

    Post  sinister_midget on Sun May 28, 2017 4:51 pm

    A government survey found 91% of illegal aliens come to the US so they can see their own doctor.

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    The song "Highway to Hell" is good on two counts. You can play it both at your wedding and your funeral.

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    A guy I work with was accused of raping a girl with Tourette's.

    He said he's not guilty, that she was asking for it.

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    Right. Now go clean your room!



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    What's the difference between a vampire and a Muslim?

    Eventually the vampire will stop being bloodthirsty.

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    They finally got the computer to finish crunching the numbers.



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    My friend got mad at me playing Scrabble.

    "Spondulak?" she said, "How can that be a word?"

    "Of course it is!" I said.

    "I've never heard of it. I bet you can't use it in a sentence," she said.

    "Sure I can," I told her. "Here goes: I don't know what Spondulak means."

    Done.

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    In the middle of a really messy divorce, I decided suicide was the only answer.

    Hopefully I can talk her into it.

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    Finally some good news came out of Manchester, England.

    There's one less Muslim to worry about.

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    "Mommy, could you please make me a sandwich?"

    "Don't call me mommy just because I slept with your father."

    "OK. What am I supposed to call you?"

    "Steve, like everybody else."

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    My doctor told me to start killing people.

    Well, not in those exact words. He said I need to reduce stress in my life. Same thing.

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    At least the dreamer didn't invent a new gender!



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    My wife hasn't said a word to me in 6 days.

    The best part is, she thinks it's punishment.

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    Our marriage counselor said my wife and I should do chores together.

    I told  him everything we do together its a chore.


    _________________
    Malo periculosam, libertatem quam quietam servitutem.
    (I prefer dangerous freedom over peaceful slavery.)
    -- Thomas Jefferson
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    Psycho144

    Posts : 501
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 77

    Re: Here's to Memorial Day!

    Post  Psycho144 on Mon May 29, 2017 11:44 am

    Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy
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    Joencalif2

    Posts : 411
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 67
    Location : Riverside Ca

    Re: Here's to Memorial Day!

    Post  Joencalif2 on Mon May 29, 2017 12:24 pm

    Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

      Current date/time is Wed Jul 26, 2017 5:35 pm