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    Figures

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    sinister_midget
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    Posts : 2027
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 64
    Location : Home

    Figures

    Post  sinister_midget on Thu May 04, 2017 9:35 am

    My wife said we should try role reversal in bed last night.

    So I said I had a headache.

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    Music is all around.



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    A friend of mine used to be a heroin addict. But he found God.

    Well, he overdosed. I hope he found God.

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    ME: "I know we've been married 40 years now, but tonight I'd like you to pretend to be a 13 year old schoolgirl."

    WIFE: "Ewww you're disgusting, get away from me you filthy pervert!"

    ME: "That's the spirit."

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    I think my family is racist.

    When I brought my black girlfriend home, my wife and daughter wouldn't even talk to her.

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    "I caught my 12-year-old son looking up women's skirts for the second time today," I told the bartender.

    "I wouldn't worry. That's pretty normal for a young boy, don't you think?"

    "Not on Amazon it's not."

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    No joke.



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    Just to spice things up I said to my wife, "Let's do a little bit of role-playing tonight."

    She seemed up for it.

    So I said, "You dress up like Whitney Houston and I'll run the bath."

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    Have you ever been so desperate for political fame that you chose to lie down on a dirty public floor next to a hairy leg that happens to have your ugly mother's face tattooed on it?



    Yeah, me neither.

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    I think I've been hacked by Russia.

    Edit: I not hacked by Russia. The motherland do no such thing. Have good day.

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    The most common blood type found in the US is O-Positive.

    The most common blood type found in Africa is HIV-Positive.

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    How do one-handed people put on gloves?

    They don't. They put on glove.

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    Beat it? You ATE it!



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    Socialism is like a vending machine.

    It doesn't work, but it takes your money.

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    Mario Bros don't stand a chance!



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    How many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    Well, obviously not eight because my basement is still dark.

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    I'm a dog in human clothing. Which one do I press?



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    You can't run through a campground.

    You can only ran through on. Because it's past tents.

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    I got a step ladder today.

    I never knew my real ladder.

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    It keeps me awake at night!



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    That helped me understand congressional legislation, too:

    HR-1311 The Fiscal Sanity Act
    Wr'ee gnona sepnd eevry pneny of tpxaaeyr meony we cnofasctie nad noobdy acn sotp us.


    _________________
    One of the most important reasons for studying history is that
    virtually every stupid idea that is in vogue today has been tried
    before and proved disastrous before, time and again.
    --  Thomas Sowell
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    Joencalif2

    Posts : 483
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 67
    Location : Riverside Ca

    Re: Figures

    Post  Joencalif2 on Thu May 04, 2017 11:28 am

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    Psycho144

    Posts : 599
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 77

    Re: Figures

    Post  Psycho144 on Thu May 04, 2017 3:22 pm

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    JJRobinson

    Posts : 537
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 70
    Location : Texas

    Re: Figures

    Post  JJRobinson on Fri May 05, 2017 6:41 am

    Very Happy

      Current date/time is Mon Oct 23, 2017 10:11 am