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    Here's to you, ANTIFA!


    Posts : 3014
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 65
    Location : Home

    Here's to you, ANTIFA!

    Post  sinister_midget on Wed Apr 26, 2017 12:42 am

    A wife had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.

    “Wow!” said the husband, “That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?”

    The wife replied, “Wrong number”.


    My wife did a massive belly flop this morning at the swimming pool.

    It happened in the changing room when she undid her jeans.


    ME: "I gave all of your toys to the orphanage."

    SON: "Why would you do that?"

    ME: "So you won't get bored."


    Interviewer: What's your biggest strength?
    Me: I'm a fast learner.
    Interviewer: What's 11 * 11?
    Me: 65.
    Interviewer: Not even close. It's 121.
    Me: It's 121.


    I was in the library yesterday and this guy kept talking loudly on his phone.

    "Hey, clown," I shouted. "This is a library! Take your noise elsewhere or hang it up! NOW!!"

    The guy left.

    Everybody in the library started applauding and cheering. So I told them to shut up, too.




    How ironic.


    As of midnight last night,if we laid all of the people using Facebook end-to-end around the world, three quarters of them would have drowned.


    I went to the Louvre. I asked them if it was OK to take pictures and they said they encourage it.

    The Mona Lisa looks pretty good on my wall.


    I was trying to open a package of Oreos the other day as quietly as I could so as not to disturb people around me.

    Some say doing it fast works best. Other say doing it slowly. But most say, "Have some respect! This is a funeral!"


    I came home steaming drunk at 3AM.

    The wife asked, "What the hell time do you call this?"

    So I explained about the big hand and the little hand. Again.


    An imam once told me, "In any situation, do what Mohammad would do."

    Hope they understand my reasoning at my pedophilia and genocide trials.


    Which of the following names are you familiar with?

    1. Monica Lewinsky

    2. Spiro Agnew

    3. Benito Mussolini

    4. Adolf Hitler

    5. Jorge Bergoglio

    6. Alfonse Capone

    7. Vladimir Putin

    8. Linda Lovelace

    9. Saddam Hussein

    10. Tiger Woods

    You had trouble with #5, didn’t you? You know all the liars, criminals, adulterers, murderers, thieves, loose women and cheaters, but you don’t know the Pope?


    PBS has a documentary they plan on showing next week about San Fransisco.

    "101 Damn Asians" will air Monday at 9PM.


    I came home from work this evening and saw my son and daughter sitting quietly. So I asked what was wrong.

    "Nothing's wrong, daddy," my daughter told me. "We're playing a game!"

    "Really? What game?" I asked.

    "Marriage," said my son.


    I love how people say they're "expecting" a baby, as though it might be something else, like a penguin or a lawnmower.


    At least schools are trying to stay up with societal changes.


    I’ve got this kid in Africa that I feed, clothe, school and inoculate. It only costs 75 cents a day.

    Which is practically nothing compared to what it cost to send him there.



    The American Dream is to be Donald Trump.
    -- Barack Hussein Obama

    Posts : 669
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 71
    Location : Texas

    Re: Here's to you, ANTIFA!

    Post  JJRobinson on Wed Apr 26, 2017 6:22 am

    Very Happy


    Re: Here's to you, ANTIFA!

    Post  Guest on Wed Apr 26, 2017 3:46 pm

    Very Happy Very Happy

    Posts : 774
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 78

    Re: Here's to you, ANTIFA!

    Post  Psycho144 on Thu Apr 27, 2017 9:41 am

    Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

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    Re: Here's to you, ANTIFA!

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