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    Must be Redneck Day or something

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    sinister_midget
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    Posts : 1627
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 64
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    Must be Redneck Day or something

    Post  sinister_midget on Wed Apr 19, 2017 2:30 pm

    How can you tell if a redneck is married?

    There are spit stains on both sides of his truck.

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    You ain't lyin'!



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    I laid on the ground to do a situp.

    I live here now.

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    How many rednecks does it take to eat a skunk?

    Two. One to eat it and one to watch for traffic.

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    Why didn't the redneck have any kids?

    Because he didn't have a sister. Yet.

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    A new survey says rednecks are more likely to cheat on their partners.

    It's a sad sign of the times when you can't even trust your own sister.

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    Cheaper than even SimpliSafe. But it does require minimal education.



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    A redneck went to the bank to open an account.

    The clerk asked, "Do you have any ID?"

    "About what?" asked the redneck.

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    How do you kill a redneck?

    Wait until he's in bed with his sister, then cut the brakes on his house.

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    Rumor is she bulked up trying to get the Barbie role.



    But Amy Schumer won it by a few pounds.



    (Sorry, camera zoom was as far out as it would go. Even suborbital spy cameras could only get about 2/3 the face.)

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    I got pulled over this morning and arrested for driving erratically. They took me in and performed a drug test. The test came back clean.

    My dealer has some explaining to do.

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    George Soros has warned that higher taxes could force him to lay off 17 Congressmen. Including John McCain and his best girl Lindsey Graham.

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    Why did the chicken cross the road?

    Because North Korea's long-range missiles can't reach that far.

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    Hey. It's normal for guys, okay?



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    Q: What does a redneck do when his dishwasher stops working?

    A: Slap her on the butt and tell her to get back to work.

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    To be fair, there are distinct advantages to living in a redneck family.

    For instance, only one member of the family needs to be tested for STDs.

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    The latest weapon in the arsenal against North Korea.



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    They seem to be slow learners.



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    Trump's wall will cost 21.6 billion, Nasa's budget is only 19 billion.

    Probably because Mexico has more aliens.

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    Whoa! I just came to!

    I must've passed out while holding my breath waiting for the left to disavow the Fresno shooter.

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    A redneck died and left his entire estate to his widow.

    Unfortunately she can't touch it until she turns 14.


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    Speaking of Barbie:



    _________________
    Malo periculosam, libertatem quam quietam servitutem.
    (I prefer dangerous freedom over peaceful slavery.)
    -- Thomas Jefferson
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    Psycho144

    Posts : 526
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 77

    Re: Must be Redneck Day or something

    Post  Psycho144 on Wed Apr 19, 2017 5:17 pm

    Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy
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    Joencalif2

    Posts : 429
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 67
    Location : Riverside Ca

    Re: Must be Redneck Day or something

    Post  Joencalif2 on Wed Apr 19, 2017 5:31 pm

    Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

      Current date/time is Wed Aug 16, 2017 4:38 pm