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    It's National Humor Month - Anybody have any?

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    sinister_midget
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    It's National Humor Month - Anybody have any?

    Post  sinister_midget on Wed Apr 12, 2017 10:10 am

    This just in from United Airlines:



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    My wife accused me of treating her like one of the pets, then left me.

    She'll be back when she gets hungry.

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    Southwest Airlines, taking a cue from United, has started using a new slogan:

    "We beat our competitors, not you."

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    I was watching a documentary on Chinese history and saw a clip of the military marching.

    "reft, light, reft, light..."

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    Sometimes it gets lost in the conversation.



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    Math problems - The only place someone can buy 60 watermelons and nobody wonders why.

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    I had new skylights put in my place.

    The woman upstairs isn't pleased in the slightest.

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    A new psychological test is in the design stage and is almost ready for release.



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    There's no place like home.

    Unless you're an immigrant.

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    I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothes.

    If I had any I wouldn't have signed up in the first place.

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    Bet you never knew it took a mastermind to work at the DEA!



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    My son said he wasn't sure about his gender identity.

    So I took him to a place where he'd have plenty of time to mull it over: the orphanage.

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    "Our Chinese neighbor has gone back to Peking," my wife said yesterday.

    "I think you'll find they now call it Beijing," I corrected.

    "Okay, fine. Our Chinese neighbor has gone back to BEIJING through the window while I dress."

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    Ever wonder why Europeans act the way they do?



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    Hospitals are such depressing places. The one near where I live in particular. They just called up and said my mother-in-law is expected to make a full recovery.

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    I could exist in a parallel space," my wife said. "The universe is so vast!"

    "It would need to be," I told her.

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    Judaism, Christianity and Islam are all equally valid. But one thing breaks the tie in favor of Christianity.

    Grilled cheese with bacon!

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    I saw 2 lesbians making out on a park bench. "There's a time and place for that," I told them.
    "Is there?" one asked bemused.
    "Yes. 7pm at my house."

    ----------

    Who you gonna call?
    ROTO-ROOTER!




    _________________
    One of the most important reasons for studying history is that
    virtually every stupid idea that is in vogue today has been tried
    before and proved disastrous before, time and again.
    --  Thomas Sowell
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    Psycho144

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    Re: It's National Humor Month - Anybody have any?

    Post  Psycho144 on Wed Apr 12, 2017 2:40 pm

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    Joencalif2

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    Re: It's National Humor Month - Anybody have any?

    Post  Joencalif2 on Wed Apr 12, 2017 3:48 pm

    Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing
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    Joencalif2

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    Re: It's National Humor Month - Anybody have any?

    Post  Joencalif2 on Wed Apr 12, 2017 3:53 pm

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    sinister_midget
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    Re: It's National Humor Month - Anybody have any?

    Post  sinister_midget on Wed Apr 12, 2017 7:54 pm



    _________________
    One of the most important reasons for studying history is that
    virtually every stupid idea that is in vogue today has been tried
    before and proved disastrous before, time and again.
    --  Thomas Sowell
    avatar
    Joencalif2

    Posts : 522
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 67
    Location : Riverside Ca

    Re: It's National Humor Month - Anybody have any?

    Post  Joencalif2 on Thu Apr 13, 2017 11:02 am

    Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing
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    Psycho144

    Posts : 655
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 77

    Re: It's National Humor Month - Anybody have any?

    Post  Psycho144 on Thu Apr 13, 2017 4:47 pm

    Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

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