New Board

For refugees from MyWay and Tek Board II, and for anyone else wishing to participate.


    It's National Humor Month - Anybody have any?

    Share
    avatar
    sinister_midget
    Admin

    Posts : 1656
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 64
    Location : Home

    It's National Humor Month - Anybody have any?

    Post  sinister_midget on Wed Apr 12, 2017 10:10 am

    This just in from United Airlines:



    ----------

    My wife accused me of treating her like one of the pets, then left me.

    She'll be back when she gets hungry.

    ----------

    Southwest Airlines, taking a cue from United, has started using a new slogan:

    "We beat our competitors, not you."

    ----------

    I was watching a documentary on Chinese history and saw a clip of the military marching.

    "reft, light, reft, light..."

    ----------

    Sometimes it gets lost in the conversation.



    ----------

    Math problems - The only place someone can buy 60 watermelons and nobody wonders why.

    ----------

    I had new skylights put in my place.

    The woman upstairs isn't pleased in the slightest.

    ----------

    A new psychological test is in the design stage and is almost ready for release.



    ----------

    There's no place like home.

    Unless you're an immigrant.

    ----------

    I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothes.

    If I had any I wouldn't have signed up in the first place.

    ----------

    Bet you never knew it took a mastermind to work at the DEA!



    ----------

    My son said he wasn't sure about his gender identity.

    So I took him to a place where he'd have plenty of time to mull it over: the orphanage.

    ----------

    "Our Chinese neighbor has gone back to Peking," my wife said yesterday.

    "I think you'll find they now call it Beijing," I corrected.

    "Okay, fine. Our Chinese neighbor has gone back to BEIJING through the window while I dress."

    ----------

    Ever wonder why Europeans act the way they do?



    ----------

    Hospitals are such depressing places. The one near where I live in particular. They just called up and said my mother-in-law is expected to make a full recovery.

    ----------

    I could exist in a parallel space," my wife said. "The universe is so vast!"

    "It would need to be," I told her.

    ----------

    Judaism, Christianity and Islam are all equally valid. But one thing breaks the tie in favor of Christianity.

    Grilled cheese with bacon!

    ----------

    I saw 2 lesbians making out on a park bench. "There's a time and place for that," I told them.
    "Is there?" one asked bemused.
    "Yes. 7pm at my house."

    ----------

    Who you gonna call?
    ROTO-ROOTER!




    _________________
    Malo periculosam, libertatem quam quietam servitutem.
    (I prefer dangerous freedom over peaceful slavery.)
    -- Thomas Jefferson
    avatar
    Psycho144

    Posts : 536
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 77

    Re: It's National Humor Month - Anybody have any?

    Post  Psycho144 on Wed Apr 12, 2017 2:40 pm

    Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy
    avatar
    Joencalif2

    Posts : 434
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 67
    Location : Riverside Ca

    Re: It's National Humor Month - Anybody have any?

    Post  Joencalif2 on Wed Apr 12, 2017 3:48 pm

    Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing
    avatar
    Joencalif2

    Posts : 434
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 67
    Location : Riverside Ca

    Re: It's National Humor Month - Anybody have any?

    Post  Joencalif2 on Wed Apr 12, 2017 3:53 pm

    avatar
    sinister_midget
    Admin

    Posts : 1656
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 64
    Location : Home

    Re: It's National Humor Month - Anybody have any?

    Post  sinister_midget on Wed Apr 12, 2017 7:54 pm



    _________________
    Malo periculosam, libertatem quam quietam servitutem.
    (I prefer dangerous freedom over peaceful slavery.)
    -- Thomas Jefferson
    avatar
    Joencalif2

    Posts : 434
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 67
    Location : Riverside Ca

    Re: It's National Humor Month - Anybody have any?

    Post  Joencalif2 on Thu Apr 13, 2017 11:02 am

    Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing
    avatar
    Psycho144

    Posts : 536
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 77

    Re: It's National Humor Month - Anybody have any?

    Post  Psycho144 on Thu Apr 13, 2017 4:47 pm

    Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

      Current date/time is Tue Aug 22, 2017 5:43 pm