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    Settled Science


    Posts : 3014
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 65
    Location : Home

    Settled Science

    Post  sinister_midget on Sun Apr 09, 2017 7:30 pm

    Barry Manilow 1974 - Mandy
    Barry Manilow 2017 - Andy


    My friend asked me what I like to do after sex.

    I said, "Wipe the pepper spray from my eyes."


    Hey, be nice! Liberals need to know, too!


    "You will always remember this day as the happiest day of your life."

    What my father told me the day before my wedding.


    I'm perplexed.

    I don't know if I should be mad a Trump for bombing Syria when he said a lot of times it wasn't a good idea.

    Or maybe I should be thankful for dead Muslims.


    An essay should be like a skirt.

    Long enough to cover everything but short enough to keep your attention.


    INTERVIEWER: So, tell me a little about yourself.

    ME: I'd rather not. I really need the job.


    My girlfriend told me she's slept with seven people before we met.

    Normally I wouldn't mind. But I was only 20 minutes late.


    I finally figured out why Muslims like burkas so much. If a man changes wives he can keep the same picture of his wife on his desk.


    I went to a party at a friend's house and met a girl I didn't know.

    "You remind me of sugar and spice and everything nice," I said.

    "Thank you!" she responded, blushing.

    "So, how many cakes have you had today, tubby?"


    My psychologist told me, "Write letters to all of the people you hate. Then burn them and think about the frustration leaving you.

    To my surprise it actually worked!

    I guess I'm supposed to shred the letters to get rid of the evidence or something. He can't tell me because he was first to go.


    Testing the previous study proving why women live longer than men, science was able to conclusively show the findings of the first study to be accurate.


    My wife asked me, "Which do you like more, Christmas or sex?"

    "Christmas, of course," I responded.

    "Really? Why's that?"

    I answered, "Because it happens a lot more often."


    This girl at work called me sexist and told me I should try to see things more from a woman's perspective. I promised I'd give it a try.

    Two days and I haven't noticed any change. There's really not much to see from the kitchen window.


    For anyone who's interested, I'll be signing books at the Barnes and Noble on Broadway Friday from noon until security catches me and throws me out.


    The best trick shot ever.


    What has 8 eyes and 8 legs?

    8 pirates.

    The American Dream is to be Donald Trump.
    -- Barack Hussein Obama


    Re: Settled Science

    Post  Guest on Mon Apr 10, 2017 3:03 pm

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      Current date/time is Wed Jul 18, 2018 11:46 am