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    Settled Science

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    sinister_midget
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    Posts : 1667
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 64
    Location : Home

    Settled Science

    Post  sinister_midget on Sun Apr 09, 2017 7:30 pm

    Barry Manilow 1974 - Mandy
    Barry Manilow 2017 - Andy

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    My friend asked me what I like to do after sex.

    I said, "Wipe the pepper spray from my eyes."

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    Hey, be nice! Liberals need to know, too!



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    "You will always remember this day as the happiest day of your life."

    What my father told me the day before my wedding.

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    I'm perplexed.

    I don't know if I should be mad a Trump for bombing Syria when he said a lot of times it wasn't a good idea.

    Or maybe I should be thankful for dead Muslims.

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    An essay should be like a skirt.

    Long enough to cover everything but short enough to keep your attention.

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    INTERVIEWER: So, tell me a little about yourself.

    ME: I'd rather not. I really need the job.

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    My girlfriend told me she's slept with seven people before we met.

    Normally I wouldn't mind. But I was only 20 minutes late.

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    I finally figured out why Muslims like burkas so much. If a man changes wives he can keep the same picture of his wife on his desk.

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    I went to a party at a friend's house and met a girl I didn't know.

    "You remind me of sugar and spice and everything nice," I said.

    "Thank you!" she responded, blushing.

    "So, how many cakes have you had today, tubby?"

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    My psychologist told me, "Write letters to all of the people you hate. Then burn them and think about the frustration leaving you.

    To my surprise it actually worked!

    I guess I'm supposed to shred the letters to get rid of the evidence or something. He can't tell me because he was first to go.

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    Testing the previous study proving why women live longer than men, science was able to conclusively show the findings of the first study to be accurate.



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    My wife asked me, "Which do you like more, Christmas or sex?"

    "Christmas, of course," I responded.

    "Really? Why's that?"

    I answered, "Because it happens a lot more often."

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    This girl at work called me sexist and told me I should try to see things more from a woman's perspective. I promised I'd give it a try.

    Two days and I haven't noticed any change. There's really not much to see from the kitchen window.

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    For anyone who's interested, I'll be signing books at the Barnes and Noble on Broadway Friday from noon until security catches me and throws me out.

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    The best trick shot ever.



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    What has 8 eyes and 8 legs?

    8 pirates.


    _________________
    Malo periculosam, libertatem quam quietam servitutem.
    (I prefer dangerous freedom over peaceful slavery.)
    -- Thomas Jefferson
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    Joencalif2

    Posts : 434
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 67
    Location : Riverside Ca

    Re: Settled Science

    Post  Joencalif2 on Mon Apr 10, 2017 3:03 pm

    Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

      Current date/time is Wed Aug 23, 2017 7:54 pm