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    Life in the fast lane, in slow motion


    Posts : 2344
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 64
    Location : Home

    Life in the fast lane, in slow motion

    Post  sinister_midget on Thu Apr 06, 2017 10:19 am

    Trump gets a call from the Iranian leader.

    Trump says, "You know, I am really happy you called because last night I had a similar dream. I could see all of Iran, and it was more beautiful than ever and on each house flew an enormous banner."

    "What did it say on the banners?" Khamenei asks

    Trump replies, "I don't know. I don't read Hebrew!"


    Finally, a scientific explanation for why women live longer than men!


    Why did Hillary run for president?

    Because it's easier than running from the police.


    When I was a kid dad showed me pictures of why I should always wear a condom.

    I still don't get it to this day. They were all just pictures of me.


    Damn, my traditional Easter rabbit stew is now cold because my neighbor was at my door telling me some whiny story about his kid's missing pet.


    My girlfriend accused me of cheating.

    I told her she was starting to sound just like my wife.


    Why don't radical feminists play hide-and-seek?

    Because nobody will look for them.


    At the age of 73 Barry Manilow announces he's gay.

    In other news, the pope is Catholic and bears crap in the woods.


    The average obese child is expected to die at age 54.

    I knew they'd figure out how to save Social Security!


    My wife and I played doctor and nurse in the bedroom last night. Let's just say it didn't go very well.

    I was just doing my job when I diagnosed her as clinically obese!


    I saw a headline earlier about the escalating problems between the US and North Korea.

    Apparently things have calmed down a little since France decided to surrender.


    I got pulled over by a cop today. When he walked up to the side of the car I rolled my window down.

    "Would you like to take a guess, sir?" he asked.

    I said, "30."

    He replied, "Try 45."

    I told him, "It's that hat. It takes years off of you! I need to find one for myself."


    Try Craig's List


    After 15 years of marriage I finally learned a valuable lesson.

    Flowers and an apology are a lot easier than changing.

    One of the most important reasons for studying history is that
    virtually every stupid idea that is in vogue today has been tried
    before and proved disastrous before, time and again.
    --  Thomas Sowell

    Posts : 522
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 67
    Location : Riverside Ca

    Re: Life in the fast lane, in slow motion

    Post  Joencalif2 on Thu Apr 06, 2017 12:42 pm

    Laughing Laughing

    Posts : 655
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 77

    Re: Life in the fast lane, in slow motion

    Post  Psycho144 on Thu Apr 06, 2017 1:44 pm

    Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

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    Re: Life in the fast lane, in slow motion

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      Current date/time is Sun Dec 17, 2017 11:49 am