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    My IQ came back negative

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    sinister_midget
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    Posts : 2027
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 64
    Location : Home

    My IQ came back negative

    Post  sinister_midget on Tue Apr 04, 2017 1:18 am

    Why do French tanks have rearview mirrors?

    So they can watch the battle.

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    Meanwhile at Walmart.



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    A lot of immigrant cab drivers are turning into good drivers.

    So if you're a good driver, watch out for turning cabbies.

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    I think my neighbor is bipolar.

    She's the size of two bears.

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    After an attempted mugging I started carrying a gun around with me.

    Now my muggings are a lot more successful.

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    My girlfriend pulled up a chair earlier and said "We need to talk about the future."

    I said, "Yeah, it's gonna be great! There will be flying cars, shiny silver robots, vacations on the moon..."

    I'm sorry. I should have said my FORMER girlfriend.

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    Don't you just hate it when you're in a bar full of beautiful women and you can't decide which one to follow home?

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    My daughter came running in, shouting, "Daddy, I just saw two fairies in the garden!"

    Humoring her, I asked, "Really? What were they doing?"

    "Making out," she replied.

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    A baby can drink a bottle, fall asleep and people say it's cute.

    If I do the same thing they call me alcoholic.

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    Welfare (noun):

    A system in which the government gives away millions to the unemployed in order to sell more cigarettes and alcohol

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    Bad news: Starbucks bans smoking within 30 feet of its stores.

    Good news: Most Starbucks are less than 30 feet from each other.

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    I hate it when people say "Oh, I'm a vegetarian except for fish".

    Yeah? And I'm a non-smoker except for cigarettes.

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    What’s the first thing a redneck says after losing her virginity?



    "Get off of me Dad, you’re crushin' my cigarettes."


    _________________
    One of the most important reasons for studying history is that
    virtually every stupid idea that is in vogue today has been tried
    before and proved disastrous before, time and again.
    --  Thomas Sowell
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    JJRobinson

    Posts : 537
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 70
    Location : Texas

    Re: My IQ came back negative

    Post  JJRobinson on Tue Apr 04, 2017 7:30 am

    Very Happy
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    Psycho144

    Posts : 599
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 77

    Re: My IQ came back negative

    Post  Psycho144 on Tue Apr 04, 2017 8:46 am

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      Current date/time is Mon Oct 23, 2017 10:08 am