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    My IQ came back negative

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    sinister_midget
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    Posts : 1627
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 64
    Location : Home

    My IQ came back negative

    Post  sinister_midget on Tue Apr 04, 2017 1:18 am

    Why do French tanks have rearview mirrors?

    So they can watch the battle.

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    Meanwhile at Walmart.



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    A lot of immigrant cab drivers are turning into good drivers.

    So if you're a good driver, watch out for turning cabbies.

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    I think my neighbor is bipolar.

    She's the size of two bears.

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    After an attempted mugging I started carrying a gun around with me.

    Now my muggings are a lot more successful.

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    My girlfriend pulled up a chair earlier and said "We need to talk about the future."

    I said, "Yeah, it's gonna be great! There will be flying cars, shiny silver robots, vacations on the moon..."

    I'm sorry. I should have said my FORMER girlfriend.

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    Don't you just hate it when you're in a bar full of beautiful women and you can't decide which one to follow home?

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    My daughter came running in, shouting, "Daddy, I just saw two fairies in the garden!"

    Humoring her, I asked, "Really? What were they doing?"

    "Making out," she replied.

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    A baby can drink a bottle, fall asleep and people say it's cute.

    If I do the same thing they call me alcoholic.

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    Welfare (noun):

    A system in which the government gives away millions to the unemployed in order to sell more cigarettes and alcohol

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    Bad news: Starbucks bans smoking within 30 feet of its stores.

    Good news: Most Starbucks are less than 30 feet from each other.

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    I hate it when people say "Oh, I'm a vegetarian except for fish".

    Yeah? And I'm a non-smoker except for cigarettes.

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    What’s the first thing a redneck says after losing her virginity?



    "Get off of me Dad, you’re crushin' my cigarettes."


    _________________
    Malo periculosam, libertatem quam quietam servitutem.
    (I prefer dangerous freedom over peaceful slavery.)
    -- Thomas Jefferson
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    JJRobinson

    Posts : 480
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 70
    Location : Texas

    Re: My IQ came back negative

    Post  JJRobinson on Tue Apr 04, 2017 7:30 am

    Very Happy
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    Psycho144

    Posts : 526
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 77

    Re: My IQ came back negative

    Post  Psycho144 on Tue Apr 04, 2017 8:46 am

    Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

      Current date/time is Wed Aug 16, 2017 10:53 pm