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    Think I'll call it a day - You might know it by another name: night

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    sinister_midget
    Admin

    Posts : 1667
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 64
    Location : Home

    Think I'll call it a day - You might know it by another name: night

    Post  sinister_midget on Mon Mar 06, 2017 10:28 pm

    Pull a little harder. You'll get it.



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    Recently I went on a trip to Jamaica. Upon entry the woman at customs asked me, "Are you bringing any drugs in?"

    "Bringing dugs INTO Jamaica?" I exclaimed. "Wouldn't that be like bringing SlimFast into Ethiopia?

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    Now when I fill out a form and it asks my gender I mark "Other" and write H2O in the blank.

    I'm gender fluid.

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    What to use it for when you install a new one.



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    A friend came into the bar last night and told me he was upset. It seems he had just slept with his 3rd cousin.

    I said, "If it bothers you that much, stop counting them."

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    I had my first ever gay experience this morning. I went into Starbucks and ordered a skinny latte.

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    I was in the bar the other day and a guy I know said to me, "See that woman over in the corner? I'll give you $50 if you can take her home tonight."

    Perplexed, I asked him, "Isn't that your wife?"

    "Yes. Yes it is."

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    "It's sodomy. It isn't gay love, it isn't natural, it isn't acceptable in the eyes of the lord, it isn't a right." Preached the priest from the pulpit.

    "And it isn't my turn this week," shouted a choirboy from the back of the church.

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    Everybody is welcome. Especially illegals and refugees from the Arab world.



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    I was dating a girl once that started telling me about her past violent relationships.

    "That's terrible," I said, holding her hand. "How bad were the beatings?"

    "Well I remember one real nasty one where I broke three of his ribs and punctured a lung," she replied.

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    Healthy: The slowest possible rate at which you can die.

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    On my first day in prison, my cellmate said to me, "If you ever come close to me, I'll skin you. When we're sleeping, you don't touch me. You hear me? Don't ever talk to me, either."

    "Great," I thought, "first day in here and I'm already married."

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    I bought a self-help tape the other day. It was called "How to handle disappointment."

    When I opened the box, it was empty.

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    The secret to longevity in just a few sentences.



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    All you new parents please remember peanuts choke little children.

    Another good one is marbles

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    A real moral dilemma!



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    I saw an article that said there's treatment for gender identity disorder. Supposedly it's effective in about 40% of all cases.

    They call it "suicide."

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    “There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.”

    -- Frank Zappa

    Today science has finally confirmed that the building blocks of the universe consist of electrons, protons, neutrons and morons.

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    The good Obama (I cleaned it up a bit):

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    JJRobinson

    Posts : 489
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 70
    Location : Texas

    Re: Think I'll call it a day - You might know it by another name: night

    Post  JJRobinson on Tue Mar 07, 2017 6:24 am

    Very Happy
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    Psycho144

    Posts : 540
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 77

    Re: Think I'll call it a day - You might know it by another name: night

    Post  Psycho144 on Tue Mar 07, 2017 9:05 am

    Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

      Current date/time is Wed Aug 23, 2017 8:15 pm