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    March 3 is What if Cats and Dogs Had Opposable Thumbs Day - Celebrate accordingly

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    sinister_midget
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    March 3 is What if Cats and Dogs Had Opposable Thumbs Day - Celebrate accordingly

    Post  sinister_midget on Thu Mar 02, 2017 10:26 pm

    DEMocrat. DEMentia.

    It's more than mere coincidence.

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    I just took the batteries out of my carbon monoxide alarm.

    The loud noise it kept blasting was making me feel sick, dizzy and lightheaded.

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    If you work in a hospital can you call in sick?

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    Saw this on Craig's List. It's so cute I think I'll buy it for the neighbor's daughter.



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    I went in a bookstore and told the clerk I was looking for a book by Shakespeare.

    She said, "Oh? Which one?"

    "William."

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    Some people literally don't know the meaning of the word literally.

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    Two old vets are having a beer.

    One says, "I feel old. All of the aches and pains I've gathered over the years. My back hurts constantly. How do you feel, Cecil?"

    Cecil says, "I feel just like a newborn babe. I don't have any hair. I don't have any teeth. And I just crapped myself."

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    I love chemistry jokes. They're just sodium funny!

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    Twitter might be crashing and burning. But it's good that it gives brilliant politicians a place to show their brilliance.



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    I wrote a book on cutting onions.

    Read it and weep.

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    I'm absolutely sick of racial stereotypes. I know all kinds of people that steal and rape. One of them also happens to be white.

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    Being World Book Day, everyone in our office came to work dressed as their favorite literary character, so I decided to go as the Prophet Mohammed.

    Needless to say, I got a few stares when I walked in with a severed head and a 9 year old prostitute.

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    For World Book Day my wife bought a new one. The title confuses me: "Ventriloquism for Dummies."

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    Two reasons I don't give money to homeless people:

    1. They need money for drugs
    2. I need money for drugs

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    Tom got a new job. He was having a lot of trouble getting to work on time.

    The boss brought him into the office to talk to him about it. "Tom, you're a great worker. But you're always late. I know you recently retired from the army. What did they say to you if you were late?"

    Tom said, "Good morning, General."

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    I went into the library and asked for a book on suicide. The librarian handed me the Quran.

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    My dog was acting strange this morning.

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    Joencalif2

    Posts : 479
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 67
    Location : Riverside Ca

    Re: March 3 is What if Cats and Dogs Had Opposable Thumbs Day - Celebrate accordingly

    Post  Joencalif2 on Fri Mar 03, 2017 3:47 pm

    Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy
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    Psycho144

    Posts : 594
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 77

    Re: March 3 is What if Cats and Dogs Had Opposable Thumbs Day - Celebrate accordingly

    Post  Psycho144 on Fri Mar 03, 2017 4:14 pm

    Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

      Current date/time is Tue Oct 17, 2017 4:25 am